Light
by MonkeySaru
Summary: Light on, light off...Prince Caspian AU. To the extreme. Edmund OOC, I guess...ish. Read and review. --COMPLETE--
1. Fallen, the warrior does not rise

A/N - Hello, my sweet ducklings!  
Yes, I know, this kind of story has been done before...but the ones I read left me wanting more. So hopefully, this one might go deeper into something I've always wanted to see. =D

PC Movie verse, and it's pretty much AU, barely keeping to the basic plot line. xD I never before realized how violent I write sometimes, so just to be safe, this is 'T' for violence.

Um, enjoy. This is my first story and I do not have a beta. x)

If your eyes bleed out, or you suffer a heart attack and/or sudden death - Its temporary. I swear.  
Disclaimer - Own nothing, I don't.

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Light on, light off.

Time itself seemed to slow as adrenaline fueled my every action, every movement, and yet I wasn't actually part of myself. I didn't feel like I was. I felt as though I was watching myself and those around me go about how they should, everything happening in a rush of color as I watched from a third-person point of view.

The army was failing. He needed to call it off.

My brother was slaughtering our slight few troops, and I had to watch it happen all from above as Narnian after Narnian crashed to the cold stone where they did not stir again.

Telmarine after Telmarine seemed to melt into the crowd of brawling creatures and men below me, each soldier leaping into the howling, bloody frenzy below as a wild animal tears apart its prey.

And that animal was Miraz.

The false king, standing high and mighty on the other side of the bloody courtyard, calmly held his hand high as he prepared to signal off the archers. A chill wind blew over, carrying the sounds of clashing swords and howling, screaming men and creatures beneath the great expanse of empty black sky. Anger began to eat away at my consciousness before I heard an all-too familiar shout from below me.

In a panic, I saw him.

He was pale and anxiety-ridden, killing ruthlessly and completely blind to the danger that lurked behind him as an archer turned to take aim.

In a blind frenzy of wide-eyed terror, I felt myself vault over the side of the wall and slide down the roof, kicking the archer off over the edge where he fell to the ground, cry melting in with all the others before it ended abruptly. I looked over the edge and saw Peter, stunned as the archer fell dead at his feet, and he looked up, frightened expression deepening as we made eye-contact.

"ED!"

I turned slowly, wincing at my own stupidity as fifteen Telmarine archers looked back at me in surprise, notching an arrow to their crossbows each. I remember letting out a sort of frustrated, hysterical laugh as I quickly turned tail and dove through the nearest door, kicking it shut as arrow after arrow pierced the wood. I then scrambled to my feet and locked it, gripping my sword tighter as several soldiers began throwing themselves against the door from the other side, trying to get in. I looked and saw the flight of stairs, and began running up the spiraling steps just as I heard angry cursing below, then a crash, and heavy footsteps. The sound of the battle flooded into my hearing as soon as the barrier separating the tower from the outside was brought to splinters, and all I could do was run faster still as the guards below figured out where I had gone.

I slid out into a marble hallway lit by torches, and I sprinted into the fading light as angry voices began resounding behind me, followed by footsteps. I burst through several doors, looking for a way to get up to the highest tower, where I could signal out the order to call a retreat.

If the Magnificent King of old wouldn't look past his own pride and stubbornness and save hundreds of lives that he was ruthlessly shattering and silencing at his command, then by The Lion's Mane, the Just King would.

Annoyance filled my heart as I kicked open door after door, all of it directed at Peter. Who was he doing this for? Was it for Narnia, or for himself? He was trying to prove something to someone. Was it himself? Was it to Aslan?

Was he trying to take Aslan's place?

I narrowed my eyes, letting a huff of annoyance escape me. He would really do anything, anything, to get his kingdom back. He had hinted to me numerous times how he missed his crown, how he would dearly love to just have it all back, if only for one day.

He had said that he would give up anything for the chance.

Was he actually serious?

I kicked past another door, and to my horror and astonishment, I was met not with an empty corridor, but two very surprised Telmarine guards. I recovered myself, however, and began to bring the doors closed again before they could regain themselves.

"Sorry..."

I slammed it shut abruptly and bolted off in the other direction as a loud crash echoed around the all-but silent hallway, accompanied by some very choice Telmarine swears as they tramped behind me, shouting.

"GIT BACK 'ERE!"

"No thank-you!" I called from the stairwell as I raced up, hoping for the best and praying fervently that Aslan would turn up soon.

If not for Narnia, then for Peter.

I suddenly burst through a door at the topmost of one of the highest towers, and I leaned back up against it, regretfully having to use my torch as a sort of barricade, as using my sword was out of the question. I walked up to the ledge, looking over the ramparts and feeling a sort of jolt as I realised just how high up it was. A sensation of utter panic gripped me as the door suddenly swung open despite the make-shift lock, and two guards advanced, slightly surprised again as to the fact that they had caught me. Cornered I stood, backing slowly away from their extended crossbows until my foot nearly slipped over the side of the wall. The sense of panic grew larger in my mind as I looked over the edge, and the guards sneered menacingly, fingers itching towards the trigger on the bow. If I drew my sword, I'd be shot to death faster than anything.

"It's come quietly or get an arrow through the chest, laddie." One of the guards spat in a heavy accent, and the other nodded fervently, finger still gripping the trigger excitedly. An idea suddenly struck me. I cocked an eyebrow, letting a slow smile cross my lips. They seemed slightly unnerved at this abrupt change of attitude.

"Or jump." I said simply.

And I stepped off the edge.

I soon found myself tumbling through open air, cold winds whipping my face as I resisted the urge to either shout in terror, or whoop with excitement. The black expanse of night sky sat above me, and the ground opened up below me, and I seemed to be caught in the middle of something huge as I let myself fall to an impending death upon the black stone far below, totally helpless to do anything but fall.

As I gained speed, I began to wonder if that was really a smart move on my part. I had thought I had seen a Gryphon circling the tower. Now I wasn't so sure.

I then fell with a slight 'oof' upon something solid and warm and living, and my reply was a shrill screetch as we shot upwards again.

I would never forget the expression on the soldiers faces as we glided right over them, watching them fall to the stone with their hands over their heads while we flew above the tower.

I stroked the Gryphon's neck gratefully as we soared over the black expanse below, sitting up on his back between it's hind legs and its wings.

"Thank-you, Kyr."

"The pleasure is mine, majesty," He panted, gaining height again. "Look out - We're going down."

And before I could respond, the noble beast had shot downwards in a sudden, spiraling descent towards the ground. I flailed frantically and threw my arms around his neck before I was thrown off, and held on for dear life as he let out a loud screech and let gravity take control. We went down in a sharp nose-dive before he pulled up again, flapping his wings, and I was forced to look down.

The courtyard stood still and empty, moonlight illuminating the blood-slick stone and all the dead forms on the ground, most of them Narnian. I let out a sharp gasp, and my mount had begun to do the same, but he was interrupted by his own voice, which was drawn out in a loud, agonized shriek.

The sounds of arrows whizzed through the air momentarily, and terror seized me as they began to cut through Kyr's wings, crimson spilling as his voice was drawn out in a raspy scream that echoed against the night.

I had to admit that they had very good aim as an arrow pierced my sleeve, causing me to yell out in pain as it sliced through some of my arm, but more importantly, it had got Kyr in the neck. The shafts ran deep and panic gripped us both; Kyr was trying to stay in flight, trying to get out of the castle, but it was almost all for nothing as arrow after arrow was shot, striking him and weakening him fast, blood pouring forth. He continued to scream as each arrow hit him, and I tried to figure out what to do as my brain drew a blank. We were going to die.

We were going to have died in the attempt to restore what Peter had wanted to restore - his own pride and leadership.

Another arrow hit the Gryphon straight in the chest, and I could feel his body go rigid beneath me as we continued to glide, suspended in mid-air as time slowed, and he let out a sharp, echoing gasp of astonishment. My eyes went wide.

"Kyr...no!--"

He let out one last, staggering breath as he closed his eyes, flying above the gates and over the trench of water dug far into the ground, cutting off the castle from land. In my despair I saw the remnants of the Narnian army disappearing into the forest, followed by a blond figure on a galloping black horse.

Peter.

The wide, dark chasm spoke nothing but death as Kyr and I abruptly plummeted down to its murky depths, and I remember screaming my brothers name before hitting the surface of the freezing water, arrows ceasing fire above us.

_'Aslan..'_

My mind was literally working faster than it ever had before as I was dragged down with the Gryphon, my sleeve caught on the arrow that peirced Kyr's neck as blood began to curl up in watery wisps before my eyes. I tugged and ripped, but the shaft was thick and wouldn't snap. The frigid water pressed on me from all sides; There was no escape. My mind began to slow, my limbs soon became heavy and numb, and darkness was beginning to obscure my vision as my body began to shut down from lack of air.

Dragged down to death by my own friend wasn't really how I had pictured dying, but at least I would soon be with The Lion again, if not in a few seconds. Peace like a warm light seemed to come and relieve me of every negative thought while consciousness slowly evaded me.

Too bad it didn't last.

...But would I? Would I see Him? Was I as clean with Him as I had assumed I was? Slight panic gripped me, and the sense of peace I had just known was chased away abruptly as consciousness continued to slip away.

Would going on this huge Telmarine-massacre with my brother affect my status with Aslan negatively?

I hadn't time to think on this matter much longer as I soon lost all consciousness from lack of air, unaware of the cold hands that gripped my shoulders as I gave in to darkness.

_'Aslan...'_

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REVIEW, AND I SHALL GIVE YOU YOUR HEART'S GREATEST DESIRE...


	2. Exposed and alone

_A/N: Heh heh heh...I couldn't resist the temptation of putting the next chapter up. You both made me feel all warm and fuzzy, though I'd like to hear more of what I could have improved upon rather than that I should update. I knew that already. :P  
Oh well. Thanks for your reviews, you two. ^^  
I hope this chapter satisfies. I, erm...I have the whole story written out, actually. I wrote it back this summer right after the movie came out. So, I kinda had this idea before anyone else, you might say. xD_

_I hope you all have a merry, merry Christmas. ^^ And if you don't celebrate Christmas - happy holidays._

_:P_

_And such._

_Enough of my rambling. Once again, I don't have a beta, and if there is anything I could improve, PLEASE say so._

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I hear my name shouted behind me, I see the dark shapes in the air go down, and I could have died right there.

I watch as my only brother, my sarcastic, snarky, and sweet all at once sibling plummet down to the depths of the frigid water on the other side of the castle gate, and I scream.

I screamed so loud I thought my throat had torn right open and bled, but I didn't care. I had just killed my brother, my friend, and the other half of my soul.

And why had I done it?

Tears threatened to fall as I kicked my horse into reverse, and the stallion obeyed, swerving around and galloping towards the closed gates. I couldn't feel anything - everything was all a blurred mess of color and sound. I had to see him for myself, to make sure he was alive, to make sure that he was sitting on the bank when I got there, ready to call me "A right bloody git for a brother," and then come back to the How with us to reinstate the army and go over the plans once more.

I had to make sure I apologized to him more than was necessary, to tell him how sorry I was until he was deaf in the ear, as I would settle for no less.

I almost made it to the gates, too, but Susan caught up to me, arms around Caspian's waist as she held on for dear life while Destriar, the frightened mare, reared up. She looked beside herself with anxiety and pain.

"Peter," She breathed quietly, going sheet-white. "Where's Edmund?"

Funny, how often those words were spoken to me when my brother was lying half-dead somewhere, waiting to be found, as he was every time. But this time, we might have been too late.

Her expression of horror deepened as she looked to the sky and saw no Gryphon circling above, but several arrows embedded into the cracks in the stone, and several broken shafts upon the ground. I leapt off the horse and ran to the closed gates, forgetting that there was an entire Telmarine army on the inside as I rattled the bars furiously, intent on mourning for my brother properly. It was my fault he died, anyways.

Susan let out a few soft, choked sobs as she leaned against Caspian, who rubbed her arm awkwardly, but he looked almost as pained as she. The raven-haired queen sat up again, tears flooding down her face as she managed to choke out,

"Peter, we have to go back to the How."

"Not leaving him," I snarled past my own tears, tearing at the solid iron bars that blocked my way. Suddenly, the sound of shouts above us, then the sound of arrows whizzing overhead told us to run or die. Regretfully, I leapt back onto my horse, spurring it onwards after Destriar, and I looked up at the moon.

If this was the price Narnia had to pay for her High King to finally find Aslan again, then Lion's Mane, I wanted what was given as payment to come back and cuff me over the head.

My eyes hardened noticeably, and Susan, who had looked back as tears flooded down her face, noticed with apprehension.

Aslan killed my brother to get through to me. Was this how he treated His own subjects? Was this some kind of joke?

I could have screamed, but even that wouldn't have satisfied my intense anger towards The Lion for shedding innocent blood instead of my own.

My heart continued to bleed that night, completely open and exposed without its other half, the half that belonged to Edmund.

-------

"Get him, get him!" The man barked quickly, gesturing towards the water and looking at me expectantly. I rolled my eyes at him and stripped off my heavy armour, leaping in head-first and swimming into the darkness below.

Why did I allow myself to be so pushed around and prodded by this false king? Of course I was his army general, and he had every right, but I couldn't help but wonder as I swam through the dark water after the unconscious figures ahead of me.

Was he as true to his word as he said he was? Was he really making Narnia a better place, or was he being a cruel, ruthless dictator, who cared nothing about the lives of those in his way as he conquered the land, spilling more blood than necessary?

I felt myself leaning more toward the second theory as I continued to swim downwards after the dark shapes, wondering if I was going to be able to catch them and then bring them up in time, all in one breath. I was now in arms reach. I had no idea why the king wanted these rebels, but all I knew was that the king was to be obeyed. Gripping the figure's shoulders, I began to pull them upwards, and only then did I realise that one was pinned to the other. I cursed mentally, and felt myself going dizzy from lack of air. I had to hurry or die. Miraz took no excuses, not even death. I ripped the arrow shaft from the Gryphon-monster, allowing the human's sleeve to come un-caught so I could pull him up. I couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for the creature as it continued sinking rapidly to the bottom, but army generals aren't supposed to feel sympathy for the dead of the other side, so I swam upwards as fast as possible, unable to see anything but the growing light of the moon spilling down on the surface above me.

In my last bit of strength, I burst through the dark water, gasping, coughing and spluttering and holding the Narnian by the arm. I swam over towards the shore, happy for the chance to be out of the water, and also for the oppertunity to get a closer look at whom I had just rescued, if he was still alive. I dragged him up the shoreline, shivering in the chill night air as I let him drop onto the stone while the queen Prunaprismia bent over the figure, her red curls spilling out from behind her ear.

With a jolt of shock, I realised that I had just rescued not a man, but a mere boy of perhaps fourteen. I had no idea what Miraz could possibly want with a boy that age, but I knew it couldn't be good for the teen, whatever it was, and I found myself sympathizing a little more every minute with the creatures who had been chased into hiding. I was unable to keep my sympathetic attitude much longer, though, as Miraz himself strode up beside me, looking also with interest at the figure on the ground, but it seemed to be a hungry, evil interest, and I shivered, able to pass it off as chill rather than fright.

"Well done, Glozelle. This will serve us well."

"We're not even sure he is still alive yet, my lord," I pointed out, and Miraz rolled his eyes, twisting his finger around his coarse, black beard as he continued thinking.

"What do you think my wife is doing, then?"

I looked again and saw her, scared and frightened of her husband as it was, and being forced into something she completely didn't understand seemed to make her even more nervous as she felt for a pulse on the boy's neck. Silence filled the court. I had to admit, she took me by surprise when she let out a yell and brought her fists down on his chest, making him lurch slightly before he began spluttering up large amounts of water. She seemed to be slightly relieved, and she busied herself with forcing him to sit up, and he didn't even seem completely conscious as she began looking him over, rather like a mother to a child, before smiling grimly and allowing him to lay back against the rocks again as she stood up.

"He will live," She confirmed, brushing her hair from her eyes as she continued watching him, "But he will probably end up having hypothermia or something worse, as he was quite basically shot down and exposed to freezing water longer than necessary and almost drowned," She shot a glare at Miraz, and the king only chuckled at her motherly antics. "Do not get too attached to him, Prunie," He said fondly, striding over and holding her gently by the shoulders while brushing her hair behind her ear. "Because if he refuses to co-operate, he dies." He aimed a kick to the teen's side, and he let out a moan of pain as a metal-clad boot was suddenly run into his ribs, and Miraz grinned cruelly while Pruniprismia shied away form her husband. I grimaced at all that was going on, and I just stood, shivering from head to toe as I watched everything happen around me.

"Glozelle!" Miraz barked back at me, and I was forced to look somewhat respectful in my miserable state as he turned to follow his wife. "You take the kid somewhere we can find him later, and then you're free to do as you please until the morning." He added sarcastically, and beckoned for his guards to follow. I resisted the urge to stick out my tongue in a childish manner behind his back as the great oak doors closed again, and I was left alone with the Narnian.

"Alright," I mumbled, dropping down to my knees to practically drag the teen down to Miraz's beloved dungeons. But to my amazement, he gripped my arm and pulled himself up, though albiet a bit wobbly, he stood.

"Where are we going?" He asked quietly, not fearfully, as if he was waiting more for a command than for an answer, trying to balance properly without falling over. Stunned, I stood up with him, floundering for words.

"T-The dungeons..."

"Right."

And he took a brave step, but it was rather pointless as he promptly pitched forwards, unsteady and unfocused. I caught hold of his arm, but he shook his head in protest, eyes not entirely focused on one point, I noticed ruefully.

"What's your name, kid?" I asked aloud, helping him to stand again. I allowed him to lean against me slightly as we walked, and I noticed with some surprise that he was not much shorter than myself.

"...Peter," He replied, looking at me curiously from behind wet, black locks of hair. "And you?"

I let out a laugh that rang around the corridor we were walking through, but he stayed silent, and I replied, grinning slightly, "Why should you be interested in the one who's about to jail you?"

"If its all the same to you, I'd rather us treat one another like equals and men, rather than jailer and prisoner," He said softly, not tearing his eyes from my face, and I could have almost believed that he was actually twenty-five rather than fourteen.

"You speak with a wisdom far beyond your years," I noted, transfixed by this most unusual teenager, and he let a slow smirk cross his features.

"I hear that alot..."

He spoke of it as if it were some ironic joke that he and a few others would only know of, and so I let it be, but I still had a question to answer.

"Well, since you asked; I'm Glozelle, king Miraz's army general."

He seemed satisfied by this answer, and neither of us said any more as we continued our underground trek, both of us sopping wet, but not complaining. Not much later, he was walking independently and with long, swift strides, and I had to double my pace to keep up. I was amazed by this unusual youth, to say the least, and I almost didn't want to believe that he was not seen in Miraz's favor, and that he was a captive rather than a captain, but my loyalty to the Telmarines forced me into obeying my king, not my enemy. We soon entered the abandoned, cold room, and he walked inside casually, looking around him with interest. I was flatly astounded by his attitude toward almost certain death, and I was caught off guard when he began to unstrap his sword from his belt. He caught my questioning look and smiled a bit.

"Aren't most prisoners supposed to be weaponless, sir?"

I finally caught on, and I shook my head, grinning at my own stupidity as he unstrapped his sword and his knife and various other weapons and placed them calmly into my hands. I then shut the cell door, carrying the items with respect as he watched me go, a grim look in his eye.

"Glozelle," He called, and I turned around, cocking an eyebrow in curiosity. He seemed unsure of himself.

"...Remember me when things get...rough...won't you?"

I caught on, and I felt my hardened heart softening dramatically and rapidly at the thought of what Miraz was planning to do the next morning, and I nodded quickly, taking a torch from the walls.

"That I will, Peter," I swore, and I turned and left him in the dark.

I didn't see the lean figure drop to the floor in the corner, pulling off his boot and taking a sharp, clean dagger from the inside and examining it carefully in the moonlight.

"Oh Peter," He whispered, running his fingers across it tiredly, looking out of the window longingly. "I hope this works."

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_Review? Please? I know you're out there..._


	3. Under the cover of darkness

A/N - Hello again my sweet pickles!  
-shrugs- I'm sick and sore, I've nearly all but lost my voice, and every time I speak I sound like a goose on crack, so I decided to put another chapter up.

Its the shortest one yet, because I'm still editing the next bit. Its all a bit too cheesy for me. :/  
As changeling child kindly informed me, GLOZELLE is Miraz's army general, not Glozelle. I researched a bit and found that she(or he) was exactly right. So I'm going to have to edit out all of the mistakes. If you catch the name "Glozelle" in here anywhere Glozelle should be, or in any of the chapters, please do tell me where so I can fix it.  
Thank you dear readers for your reviews and your time. I'm not the best Narnia Fic writer ever, so please bear with me as I learn to become a better author. ^^  
Oh. And um, in my story in several parts, I have ideas in here that were originally Elecktrum's, like the name of Edmund's sword, for example. So I do not take any ideas that were hers as my own - they all belong to her, I'm merely using them because they were freaking brilliant. :P  
So if you haven't read Elecktrum yet, please do so and let yourself be overwhelmed by the torrent of awesomeness that totally beats my own by a long-shot.  
And P.S. Does it look like I'm C.S. Lewis? No. Am I as brilliant as C.S. Lewis? No. If I were C.S. Lewis, would I be on fanfiction? No. I don't own anything but this stupid chestcold, so don't sue.

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Climbing over castle walls is much harder than it looks.

I slowly make my way up, numb fingers gripping at the cold stone as I reach for another, hoping, praying to get over the wall and on the other side before anyone notices me. The winds whip at my hair and I pause for a moment, breathing hard, dagger between my teeth. Funny, how this is always the way it happens in those books back in England. The hero is captured, he escapes, but to escape he scales the wall, dagger between his teeth, and then he rides on to freedom.

Right now, I couldn't have felt less like a hero as I stifle a sneeze, continuing to climb. That water had been _cold_. I shivered, thankful that the moon was hiding her face behind the clouds. It was pretty stupid of me, really, to have attempted an escape so soon after an unexpected attack by the Narnians, but it was going to be my one and only chance, if any.

The black expanse of sky stretched on above me, seemingly empty as black clouds obscured the stars and heavenly lights. I breathed out a sigh past the knife, reaching for the next handhold.

Killing two completely unaware soldiers back in the dungeons had not been my high moment of glory, and I still felt slightly guilty about killing them before they had had a chance to react or defend themselves, but it was over, and I needed to move on. I reached my hand up and caught the edge of the wall, pulling myself up, and I looked over. The wall jutted steeply downwards where it met with dark stone below, a sixty feet drop. It was a long, tedious climb down, but I had to risk it. I vaulted over the side nimbly and caught myself on the other, using the very edges of the stones as footing as I slid down, stone by stone. I dearly hoped the shouts that the two soldiers had let out before I had killed them hadn't attracted anyone, and it seemed that it hadn't, as I was still here and not dead already. Adrenaline pounded through my veins as I got nearer to the ground, and I could hardly believe my luck as I landed on the solid stone, completely whole and alive. I blinked, staying to the shadows before darting off towards the other side of the dark courtyard, completely unseen.

And then the moon came out.

I grimaced, diving for the nearest shadow as the moon spilled her light out onto the bloody courtyard, littered with still figures of Narnians and Telmarines alike. I was repulsed. They were going to prolong the burial of the many who were slain in their very castle until the morning? With a disgusted attitude, I sidled along the wall, peering around the corner cautiously, watching intently. The gate was there, and it could be opened with a little bit of pick-locking. I darted off toward it and made it successfully, unable to believe my fortune this night. I was just about to insert the dagger into the large lock before I heard footsteps. I spun around, ready to face the Telmarine, his sword, my dagger.

Glozelle stepped out into the light, arms crossed, expression hard. I cursed inwardly, backing myself up against the gate.

"I thought I heard a rat."

"Maybe you should have checked to see if it was just one of your men."

"Do not patronize me," He warned, drawing closer and laying a hand on his sword. "It would be most unwise, as you are currently in the wrong, here."

"I'm supposed to sit by like a good little captive and wait for Miraz to kill me sooner rather than later, then?" I asked hotly, gripping my dagger tighter.

"I never said that," He argued, expression softening a bit. "You don't have to die, you know...all you have to do is co-operate and give us the names and location of the Narnian rebels, and you keep your life."

"How would I spend it, then?" I asked coolly, but inside I was roaring with rage at his proposal. How dense did he think we really were? Or had he been taught that way? "I don't know about you, but I'd sooner choose death rather than a lifetime of living with the knowledge that I killed the entire Narnian race to make way for the Telmarine tyrant."

Once had been one time too many. It wasn't going to happen again.

"Do not speak about your king that way, boy," He spat, anger beginning to make him look a bit mad in the head.

"Am I? Aslan is my true king, and so is He yours, whether you choose to believe it or not. Miraz is only chaff on the wind, but Aslan is forever, eternal and living, like spring after a long winter, and He will come back; and when He does, you best be ready."

I hardly even felt the cold steel set to my throat, so angered was I by his careless words.

"Tell **that** to your king." I whispered with all the ferocity I could muster as he pressed his sword against my throat, and I could have sworn I felt blood trickle down my neck.

A slight spasm crossed his face, and I vaguely realised he had me pinned against the wall as he glared with all the fiery wrath he possessed within him.

"If you will have it, Peter, so be it."

And I felt myself fall into darkness's ready arms as I had so many times before, as Glozelle slammed me over the head with his sword handle.

I was in trouble.

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Critique helps a writer know, thus helping the writer grow.  
Read and review, please. ^^ I know you're out there.


	4. Broken, without a hope

A/N: Haha...um.  
Um. This chapter is kinda...cheesy. I dunno, I just don't really like it. :/  
The idea for Peter being the Lion and Edmund being the Fox is solely Elecktrum's brilliant idea. I think the sword and sheild is, too...

Dangit. I'm not trying to steal, I swear - it's her brilliance, not mine. That much is apparent. ;~;  
But yeah...I own nothing but this never ceasing cold. Enjoy?

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Being kicked awake wasn't really how I fancied greeting the morning, but what had I been expecting? I bit back a moan of annoyance. I hated mornings. And I especially hated them if I was seeing the Narnian sun rise over a desolate, bleak Telmarine castle belonging to a tyrant. I felt myself roughly dragged to my feet, and I rolled my bleary eyes as they checked every bit of me for a concealed weapon, going as far as clapping my wrists in heavy irons before dragging me out of the room. I sneezed, a feeling of intense cold washing over me, and I wondered if what Prunaprismia had said was true. Did I have hypothermia? I didn't doubt it, but that was really the least of my problems at the moment as the guards roughly pushed and shoved me up the stairs, though I was absolutely capable of walking myself. I shot a glare at them both as I was unceremoniously slammed into a wall, and they both chuckled, clearly enjoying themselves. We turned a corner and I looked out of an open window as we passed by, wondering if I'd ever see the morning sky again. This wasn't the first time I had ever wondered this, of course, but Miraz was a little different than all the other encounters.

He wanted answers, and he was impatient, ready to strike anyone down if it would help him rise. I groaned mentally. I hated tyrants, I really did; we had had our fair share during the Golden Age, and I was quite sick of them, to say the least.

We walked somewhat silently through the corridor until we came upon a huge iron archway with two solid oak doors in the middle. Looking up at it with a vague expression of slight awe - it was _huge _- I was grabbed by the shoulders when it was opened and practically thrown in, chains rattling as I threw my hands out to catch myself on the marble flooring. I scowled, refusing to stay on my knees, and stood to my feet, to the soldier's slight surprise. One kicked me back down. I silently took the fall and stood up again. It went on and on like this until both guards became irritated and were in the middle of jumping on me when a low, growling voice called from the other end of the hall.

"Enough, Brackus and Tyran. I suspect our Narnian guest is not used to our way of...dealing with things." He said in a smooth, dismissive voice, but my blood boiled. I hated him already. The guards backed away almost unwillingly as I stood up once more, wondering how many more bruises I had just acquired. I knew I had a black eye - It hurt worse than anything. The false king Miraz slowly arose from his throne, cape swishing as he did so, and his Telmarine-wrought crown sat apon his brow, large and commanding. I couldn't help but think how heavy that one must be compared to the dwarven crown I myself had worn thirteen hundred years ago. The dwarf's were alot more skilled in their craft, too, I thought wryly, happily insulting Miraz inside of my head where he couldn't hear me. It was great fun, until he drew very close.

"Why do you not bow to your supiriors, boy?" He asked quietly, and rage flamed up inside me, but I held my tongue from the things it wanted so badly to say.

"I bow to no man."

"You Narnians must bow to _something_," He insisted, and I began to realize how he was going about his attack. He was trying to gain facts and use them to his advantage. I decided to indulge him on a few things that wouldn't really get him anywhere.

"I'd sooner fling myself before the paws of a Lion before I bowed to you." I stated simply, defiantly.

I was smartly smacked in the jaw for this, and I turned my face away, massaging it as the pain pulsed through it. Miraz looked beside himself with anger, and several of the men in the chairs around us began murmuring to each other, though I couldn't hear what they were saying. I turned back, nonchalant as he began to pace before me.

"You say that your name is Peter," He started casually, as if he had never even thought about physically harming me in any way. I nodded to answer his question.  
"Yes."

He turned and glared at me full in the face.

"Liar!" He delivered a kick to my shins that nearly sent me sprawling forwards at his feet.

"Why would I lie about my own name?" I asked through clenched teeth, trying to shake off the angry pulsing of the nerves that were irritated in my legs. His eyes sparked dangerously.

"You are a human, neither Telmarine nor of Narnian blood."

I blinked. He continued triumphantly.

"There is only one record of when four humans entered this land long ago. I do not know how, or why, but they conquered the land and became its rulers." He continued to pace, despite the many gaping glances shot his way by the Telmarine officers in the room. I guessed that they had never heard this story before. Miraz continued.

"There were two kings and two queens. There are...reliable sources I have found that tell us that one of the kings was blond and light, and the other was black and dark. And you, boy, are not the High King Peter. You are King Edmund!"

A pregnant silence filled the room, and Glozelle looked at me, expression unreadable.

"Myths and legends are not stable enough to base claims upon," I countered calmly, refusing to let him know that I was not actually my brother. It was perhaps my one way of keeping hold of my brother's life and my own.

"Lies again!" The man howled, and he had just made a movement as though he were to throttle me personally, but he recovered himself when he remembered there were others in the room. He cleared his throat.

"Why do you deny this?"

"For one, if I were King Edmund, wouldn't I be much, much older than fourteen?"

Miraz seemed to think about this. It looked like hard work. He studied me carefully, rubbing his chin in a thoughtful manner. I stood beneath his heavy gaze, never looking away from his face, mind working frantically. At last, he spoke.

"I do not know how magic has preserved you and yours all these years, but I saw the queen Susan and the High King during the attack, and I nearly met him personally. You make very free with this claim that you are the Higher King. Lies and trickery, a cowards attack!" He spat, and a cold, icy anger roared up inside of me. I couldn't really describe it. It was just...frigid.

"I am no coward for protecting my brother's life with my own," I whispered so low it was barely on the air, but it seemed to resound around the room as if I had screamed it instead. "A coward is one who sits upon the throne he himself made with his own lies and wealth, having a verbal brawl with a mere fourteen year-old in chains and being bested at his own game."

I paid dearly for my words, but I was satisfied with the result, bleeding though I was. Miraz let out a scream of rage, at the end of his short fuse already, and whipped out his sword, and before I knew what was happening I had a long gash across my arm. I let a shout of agony escape me, letting the rest of it seep through my voice behind my teeth as I hissed in utter pain and satisfaction. My arm was bleeding awfully bad, but I didn't care. My blood had been shed for the sake of my brother, and that alone brought me more peace than anything but Aslan Himself could. Miraz, red in the face and breathing deeply, sheathed his sword with my blood still on it and strode back a bit, considering my words, I hoped. Glozelle stood in the corner, grimacing as blood streamed from my shoulder, and I was just thankful that he hadn't told anyone that I had tried to escape last night. I would be far worse off if he had. He met my eyes for a few seconds before he looked back to Miraz, who strode forwards again with a mad glint in his eye.

"Where are the Narnians hiding?" He asked, completely blowing past his previous strategy of trying to trap me in my own words, and letting me know full on that he wasn't going to give up easily.

Neither was I.

"I tell no one nothing that is not meant for his or her ears to hear."  
I received a stunning blow to the face once again.

"Where are the Narnians hiding?" He asked again, voice shaking with anger.

"I tell no one--"

I was hit again. Really, it felt like my face was going to eventually just melt off from the pain.

"Where are the Narnians hiding?"  
"I TELL NO ONE--!"

I was slapped again. Tears of pain leaked from the corners of my eyes, but I didn't really care all the same. This was one war I refused to lose.

"Tell me; Where is your brother?" Miraz asked in a blank, calm voice, much unlike the one he had just used previously. I stayed silent, fearing for the man's sanity.

"Where is he? He's not here, is he?" He asked again, and I began to let my eyebrows crease together slightly. This was strange.

"No, of course he's not--"

"SILENCE." Miraz bellowed, looking ready to strike me again. He calmed himself once more and began down his strange road again.

"He is with the Narnians, waiting in fear for our oncoming army, not caring that you are here and not there. He doesn't need you, does he? He wouldn't care if you died in the onslaught of the archers - he didn't even look back when you called his name."

I stared at him. This was ridiculous. Peter would never...

...Would he?

"Here we have a High King and a lesser King. How does that usually play out?"

"I am no lesser a King than my brother." I countered, not out of pride, I hoped, but for the sake of how Aslan had crowned us and His words.

"Yes, yes," He said impatiently, glaring at my defiance, but recovering himself once again. The Telmarines stared in total awe of what was taking place before their eyes.

"But he never came back, did he?"

"Well, if he had, I would be with him and not here with you listening to this complete rubbish, wouldn't I?"

Miraz scowled as a few of the council members snorted with quiet laughter behind their hands, and others merely looked on, the faintest trace of a smile tugging at their lips.

"But you /**are/ **here," He observed, pointing his finger. "And he didn't come back. Didn't turn his head the slightest bit. I saw everything from above, and I watched you shot down and him run away--"

"You fail to acknowledge that it was you and yours that shot me down in the first place, sir."

A few others snorted behind their hands, unable to contain themselves. Glozelle looked about ready to crack up as well. Their lord and king was being out-foxed by the fox himself.

_/Flashback, thirteen hundred years ago by Narnian time./_

_  
"King Edmund, keep your sword down lower!"_

_"...King Peter, shield up! Shield up!"_

_Both boys complied grudgingly, tired and worn to a frazzle by the summer heat as their general insisted on making them swordplay in even the harshest conditions. ("How else do you expect to meet that sudden charge of the enemy in the high of sun-dance, or the chill of moon-bane?")_

_The dark haired boy let out a shout as he swung his sword at his light haired brother, who blocked it and smoothly returned the attack with a cry of his own.  
Block left, block right. Dodge, jump left, jump right, duck. Parry blow. _

_Edmund swung at his brother, a loud clang of metal echoing across the training grounds as it was blocked.  
Block left, block right. Dodge, jump left, jump right, duck. Parry blow.  
Peter jabbed at the younger boy, nearly knocking the shield from his hands._

_Block left, block right. Dodge, jump left, jump right, duck. Parry blow.  
This went on for what seemed an eternity before Edmund dropped his sword and fell to the grass._

_"I'm done," He gasped, panting heavily as the sun beat down on them all. Peter nodded mutely and fell right down beside him, much to the general's chagrin._

_"Kings, kings," He muttered, running his fingers through his braided hair. "You must not do this."_

_"Centaur abilities and human capabilities are not nearly the same, Oreius," The younger boy panted, and again, Peter nodded along with him, looking at the sky. Oreius sighed._

_"They are more alike than you know, King Edmund, but since you are to be mule-headed about it anyway, I suppose we will stop for now."_

_Both boys mentally sighed with relief, and watched the clouds go by. Much later, Oreius came down to lay beside them; a very hard process for a horse anyway, much less a Centaur, and getting up again is a much more complicated affair. The two brothers looked up at him as he crossed his arms, murmuring distractedly._

_"Back-to-back, side-to-side..."  
"...I'm sorry?" The blond asked, slightly amused. Oreius usually never daydreamed like this. Then both boys realized that they were tangled in an embrace. _

_"Oh," they both said at once, and broke apart. Oreius seemed to snap out of his daze at their movement._

_"No my kings, don't, don't you _ever _do that," He sounded a little panicked, so they both sat up, and Peter reached out to touch his brothers shoulder to calm the centaur._

_"...General?" He asked curiously, a little concerned. The noble centaur shook his head._

_"Never, ever break apart, whatever you do. Embrace one another. Hold one another so you don't fall. For one is the other's very life. King Edmund, you are your brothers shield. Keep him protected and safe when he is vulnerable, and drag him back when he is weary and begins to go astray. You are the fox; You are smaller and slighter, giving you the advantage of surprise when it comes to combat. Use your intellect and knowledge to keep him from falling. King Peter, you are your brother's sword. Guard him with your blade, strike true and justly when harm threatens to befall him, and never, ever separate from him. You are the lion; You are taller and more masculine, giving you the advantage of strength in dire situations. Protect him with your mighty stance and fierce teeth, keep him from slipping away. For one cannot live if the other does not also have breath. Separated, you are weak, and will perish. United, no wrong can you do, nor can you do anything unjust without the other to bring you back again. Always back-to-back and side-to-side, my Kings."_

_Both boys stared at the Centaur, drinking in every word with amazement at his wisdom. No wonder Centaurs were able to read the stars. They were far too insightful. Edmund blew out a low whistle and looked at Peter wryly._

_"A sword, huh? Get protecting then, brother."_

_And he jumped on him, full-armor and all._

_Peter laughed past his strangled yelp of surprise, catching Edmund on the arm and throwing him over his side, where he in turn leapt on him._

_"Protect yourself, sir fox!"_

_Oreius watched the going-ons with both pride and a wry smile. Both would be strong in the other, he knew, and he felt no hesitation when he firmly decided that neither of them would ever break apart unless it were an extremely bad fall. He prayed there never would be such a fall, though, as he slowly got to his feet and continued to watch from a distance, listening to Edmund's howls of laughter and Peter's great roars of glee as he pinned his younger brother firmly against the grass._

_"You are mine, sheild of wisdom!" He crowed, preparing to tickle his brother 'till there was no breath left in either of them._

_And then, just when all hope seemed lost for him, the smaller King grabbed a handful of mud and slapped it into his captors surprised face._

_"Shut up, lion!"_

_And thus began the first and best mud fight Narnia had ever seen in all her days._

_/End of flashback./_

And fall we did, I realized, much to my despair as I gathered that Peter was not alone in fault. I hadn't done nearly enough to keep him from straying.

It was all my fault...again.

Miraz growled, silencing the laughter as he strode forwards again.

"Do not patronize me, boy. Your life hangs by a very thin thread, one that I happen to be holding right now."

"I am well aware of that."

The man seemed really annoyed by all of this, but he calmed himself once more and began trying at sympathy again.

"He left without you. He put you up on the high tower - to set you up. He was trying to kill you, right from the start."

I opened my mouth to argue, but then I wasn't so sure all of a sudden. What if Miraz was speaking the truth? What if...

...What if Peter really didn't want me behind him like he had so many years ago? What if he was annoyed and jealous that when his time was up, I'd be the next High King in his place? I truly and honestly didn't even want to touch that crown, but what if Peter thought I did...?

Oh sweet Lion, I was in trouble.

Miraz seemed to see my weakening barriers and lept upon it, seizing his opportunity to only weaken me further.

"He's afraid of what you'll do if you get his crown. He is absolutely mortified of the possibility that you might be a better king than he."

I felt myself beginning to crumble beneath Miraz's heavy hand. Maybe it was true. I certainly wouldn't put it past him, now that he was against Aslan and everything that he had ever believed in.

I then felt cold, frigid emptiness where the other part of my soul had been, and I was left alone in it. I dropped my head, wondering if Peter could even feel my side of his heart caving in on itself, or if he had chosen to ignore it.

"What do you want?" I asked softly, daring myself not to break down. If Peter really was gone...

Oh Aslan, how was I to live apart from him?

Miraz smiled a slow, mock-fatherly smile, and I hated it.

"Just give me the location, son. Where are the Narnians assembled?" He asked quickly, quietly, understandingly...

I paused, looking up into his face. He was so evil. It was so wrong. This felt so wrong...

"...Aslan's How. They're all inside the How."

Triumph flitted across Miraz's hard face, and I felt myself despairing. It was all gone, now. I had just willingly given over to the evil that terrorized the land.

And it wasn't really the first time that had ever happened, either.

But why should I care? Peter was a lost cause. He hated me enough to leave me when I needed him most.

He hadn't even tried.

I felt sick. I felt angry. I felt confused. Miraz took a few steps back, and studied me carefully.

"You know exactly where this How is?"

I nodded numbly. He looked beside himself with glee. He came close again, and stared right into my eyes.

"How are you with a blade?"

A spark ignited somewhere inside of me, and he seemed to notice, too. He looked very pleased.

"I have half a mind to swear you in to our race...would you consider?"

I blinked, and distractedly nodded, millions of thoughts buzzing through my head incessantly.

Everything I ever believed in just fell shattered on the cold stone, like glass, into millions of tiny pieces, never to be put together again.

Miraz smiled warmly, and nodded to the guards in the corner.

"I will await your decision patiently. Take as long as you need."  
And then I found myself being dragged slightly from the courtroom, broken and in complete mental agony.

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OHHHHHH--This is the review song that does-n't ennnnddd....it just goes on and on MY FRIENDS....some people started reading it, not knowing what it was...and now they'll review my fic just because--this is the review song that does-n't end...

-SINGS-


	5. Bleeding alone

A/N: Hehe...I seem to have noticed that I've neglected to thank my wonderful, wonderful reviewers for their fantastic reviews! I did NOT expect to get this many reviews in the space of maybe...a week? I'm overwhelmed. You guys are so great. :D  
You just keep me going. =D Thank you all so much for your support.  
Okay, now we get down to business.  
I've gotten several complaints of needing to spell check, and I've just shaken my head in wonder every time, because I could have sworn I spell-checked it all thoroughly.  
Well, in all truth, I did. On the document on the upstairs laptop with no Internet. I didn't realize that I hadn't transferred it down to the one WITH Internet. I thought I did, but...xD  
So I did that today, and I'm going to go back and edit the previous chapters to clear the errors. x.X" Thanks for being so patient with me and such.  
Anyways, enjoy.  
Disclaimer - Um, I own nothing. =D

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Sunset found me on the floor of my cell, shedding quiet, bitter tears as the red light streamed across the stone.

So what if I cried. You'd cry, too, if you were feeling as though you had willingly betrayed your own country for the second time, for nearly the same reasons. You'd cry if your source of comfort and life was gone and was replaced by a hollow, cold space in your heart. You'd cry if you believed that your only brother wanted you dead and out of his life.

You'd cry if you had to decide between death now, or death later.

I wiped my eyes on the backs of my hands, feeling tired and guilty and just flat-out depressed. I leaned against the wall, a cold kind of numbness replacing the love I had once held specifically for my brother and my King. I wondered if he had sacrificed his own love for me very long ago. I shifted the chains on my wrists and sighed shakily, getting up and leaning against the bars.

"HEY!" I shouted hoarsely, hoping to snag someones attention. "HEY!"  
A few heavy footsteps later brought a very cranky looking guard.

"What's all this, then?" He muttered blearily, rubbing his eyes. "I was having myself a very good sleep, thanks."

"I wish to speak with Miraz," I said blankly, making up my mind. He glared, but complied, begrudgingly unlocking my door and leading me up the steps. The torches fluttered against the chill air and cast strange shadows along the walls, and I couldn't seem to find any warmth from them. They held no happiness or hope for me in their fiery depths as I walked quietly along behind the soldier to my death.

I knew that no one would be hurt by my absence, so what was the point of living? Maybe Lucy would be a bit upset, but she'd get over it. They all would.

We walked down the corridor, footsteps hardly making any noise against the dark walls of the castle. I shivered slightly in the chill air. It would soon be all over.

We soon approached two large oak doors - Miraz's personal study. The guard knocked tiredly.

"What is it?" A voice snapped from the other side.

"The kingling-boy-prisoner seeks an audience, your lordship," The soldier replied heavily, rubbing his eyes again. I stayed nonchalant.

The voice's tone changed dramatically.

"Send him in, then." Came the calm, suddenly cheerful voice. I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

The guard sighed dramatically and pulled open the door. We both stepped inside, and the warmth of the fire in the grate immediately hit us both, but I didn't even feel it. The soldier bowed to Miraz before backing out slowly and closing the door. I was left alone with the man who now ruled Narnia with cruelty and dictatorship.

He sat behind his huge wooden desk, which was filled to the top with papers and other odd little trinkets, and he set down his quill in the ink pot, folding his arms politely and addressing me.

"Edmund," He said cheerfully; I hated how my name sounded on his voice. "What brings you here so late?"

_You know very bloody well what_, I couldn't help but snap in my mind as he stared patiently into my eyes. I stared numbly back, preparing for death.

"I have made my decision."

"And?" He asked curiously, eagerly; He was like a hungry animal, waiting for its prey.

I sighed quietly, feeling broken and tired and ready to get it over with, Aslan help me. I looked into my murderer's face, ready to end it all.

"I accept."

And just like that, I fell to the floor, blood spattering the carpet, accepting death with open arms as breath was stolen from my lungs; And in my place stood a new Telmarine soldier, ready for Miraz's use. He fixed me with a sort of steely pride, and I hated it. But then again, I hated _him_, so it was really rather explanatory.

"Very good. I should have felt awful if I had been forced to shed such noble blood as your own..." He tried at complementary, and I fixed my expression so that nothing would reveal the battle I was fighting beneath.

'_No you wouldn't have...'_ my mind snapped again, but I chose to ignore it and awaited my first command.

He cleared his throat and stacked a few of his papers pompously.

"You will have to be sworn in, of course," He muttered to himself, going through the many pieces of parchment on his desk haphazardly. "That should be done immediately - tonight, I should say..."

I continued to stand, awaiting his direct order. He looked up again, smiling that awful smile that I detested so much, but I had no choice but to smile tentatively back, as he was now my lord and king. He stood from his chair, taking a key from the desk and coming forward. He soon had my wrists un-shackled, and I rubbed them gingerly, wincing slightly as the blood began to flow freely to my hands once again. He threw the chains aside and laid a hand on my un-injured shoulder.

"I will gather the witnesses - Queen Prunaprismia will see to it that you are properly taken care of until it is time. You are dismissed."

I bowed a little stiffly, turning around and exiting the room at his command, feeling his hard eyes boring into the back of my head even as I closed the door.

And as the Queen led me briskly down the hall later that evening, skeptically looking over my bloody shoulder and muttering to herself, it was then that I felt my heart shatter under the weight of my depression.

And I left it there, bleeding alone in the cold darkness of my soul, as there was no Peter to heal and bring warmth to it ever again.

* * *

I hated The Lion.

He was the one who had caused this, He was the one who had taken me and my siblings from Narnia in the first place, then thrown us back in so that one of us could die in the attempt to bring our sweet country back to the way she had been long ago. He was the one who had abandoned it, anyways. He had caused us a few sleepless nights, and tears enough to fill a river.

I held Lucy as she cried herself into a light, fitful sleep every night, and watched Susan as she went down to the innermost chamber of the How and laid herself on the broken remains of The Stone Table, just lying there and sobbing her heart out, dark locks spilling over her dark eyes.

I had no choice but to just let her be as she mourned for her baby brother.

Edmund had always hated it when she called him that, but really, she felt like she had to, as she was the older sister and he was the younger brother she had been wanting since she was two. It had always been amusing to see the look that passed his face as she gently teased him, to watch as she came at him with a hairbrush and the hilarity that later ensued, and heartwarming to veiw how tenderly she watched over him as he slept, refusing to leave his side.

Now he was gone, and she was left with one older and one younger.

The Narnians mourned in their own way - none of them had really known him very long, but they had certainly heard the old tales, and passed the painted images on the walls of stone sadly whenever they walked by. Trumpkin had seemed to be the fondest of him, though, as Edmund himself had bested the dwarf in a sword match. The dwarf would sometimes sit for hours and just gaze aimlessly off into the distance, thinking.

I myself just kept away from everything that reminded me of him, shedding tears in the dark of the night, never crying out in the open. I had to be strong for my sisters. I had to be strong for my soldiers.

I had to be strong for my lost brother who would never be returned to me.

I was constantly angry with Aslan for allowing it to happen, angry with my brother for leaving, angry with myself for not forcing him to stay back at the How with Lucy.

He was always like night to Lucy's day, or winter to Susan's gentle autumn. He and Susan had always been darker than Lucy and I in appearance - So we had always teasingly called them "Children of the night" for as long as I could remember. Now there was only one night left to keep the family cycle going, and no sunshine ever appeared when daylight came.

Lucy trudged in to where I was sitting, red-eyed and wet-faced, as she had been doubtlessly crying moments before. She sat next to me, sniffing slightly.

"I miss Him," She mumbled quietly after awhile, wiping her bright green eyes that were now clouded over with pain and loss.

But she had said it while looking at the huge image of Aslan on the wall, torches flickering and casting shadows over the cracks in the stone. I steeled my expression, and she noticed, too, because her own eyes became hard and cold.

"Why do you have to be like this every time someone mentions Him?" She snapped, glaring. I glared back.

"Because He's the one who killed..." I trailed off, willing myself not to tear up. She didn't seem phased, though new tears were beginning to pool in her own eyes.

"He did **not** kill Edmund, Peter Michael-George," She said with all the defiance she could muster, angry tears beginning to track down her freckled cheeks. "You know that."

"Yeah, well He didn't save him, either!" I retorted, looking away from the image on the wall. Lucy looked beside herself with anger.

"Peter, did you ever wonder to yourself about the things that were going on around you, back in England?" She asked surprisingly calmly, but her tone took on the biting edge of steel. I looked at her, not fully understanding.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you realize how good you actually really had it?"

"What, being thrown from a Wardrobe and shrinking back into a fifteen-year-old and then being shipped off to see the mum we were supposed to have not seen for only six months when in reality it was fifteen years and feeling awkward because I felt like I really didn't know her when she was my _mum_?" Anger flared up inside of me. "And then there was school and the awkwardness of mastering my step because only a month before I had been over six and a half feet tall and now I'm about five foot eight? And then there was the problem of beating all the girls away with a stick, and trying so hard to find a place where Magnificence took a role in everyday life..."

"Ed didn't have it much better than you did, either, but you are so bloody focused on you and your own problems that you can't see anything around you!" Lucy fumed, and I blanched. Lucy never cursed. _Ever_. She was _really_ angry.

"What do you mean...?"

"I mean that Edmund was always behind you in case you fell, always next to you in case you needed a shoulder to lean on, always near enough to help you through the mess while he was dealing with his own problems _and_ yours in the midst of it." She whispered, tears still running freely down her face. I continued to stare, wide-eyed.

"But you just didn't see. You chose to ignore. You pushed and shoved him away, completely oblivious to the fact that he was the one helping you stand! You aren't the only one who was ever a King, Peter."

I hung my head as she continued to soundly berate me, drinking it all in and tasting how very bitter it was. I was so _wrong..._

"He was almost taller than you when we were last here, remember?" She changed the subject slightly, mercifully letting me process everything she had said as leaned against my arm, stroking it as she watched the torches flicker. I nodded, not daring to speak. I was afraid I'd break down.

"I think he missed being a King as much as you did, Peter, but I don't think it was for the power. It was for The Lion."

She tore me right open and left me bleeding with that single statement, getting up and walking away, leaving me alone with the stone mural of Aslan, who somehow looked_ fierce_ and _terrible_ and _reproving_ as I stared back into its stony eyes.

Sweet Lion, what had I done to my brother...?

* * *

=D  
Review por favor? Love hearing from you guys. =3  
-sets out plate of cuppycakes on top of the review button-

-shiftyeyes-  
You didn't see anything.


	6. Fate deals a cruel hand

A/N - Hello again, my sweet, sweet pickles!  
Well, you all have expressed SUCH want for another chapter, so...;D  
Here it is. I combined what was originally going to be just one chapter into two, just for you guys.  
Thanks for your reviews, all of you. I appreciate them deeply.  
Can't wait to hear what you all think of this mess. ;D  
---Monkey---  
Disclaimer - I own nothing except for this cat who is sitting on my leg, cutting off blood flow to my foot. Goshdarnit, stupid cat...

* * *

Voices drifted from the other end of the door and through the wood as I neared, in full armor and still feeling like I was worth nothing. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, to say the least. I waited for a few minutes. Was I making the right choice? No, probably not. But what was I to do about it? It was all I had, so I had to make due. I sighed slightly, bracing myself, and walked in.

The voices fell silent as I stood anxiously in the doorway, feeling that I shouldn't made such a stupid decision after all. All thoughts were snuffed out as Miraz seated himself, however, smiling gleefully as the court chamberlain began to speak.

"Tonight, under the eyes of all those present, Edmund, former king of Narnia, swears himself into our race, as to become officially Telmarine..."

I couldn't listen to the rest. I kept sliding off into inattentiveness as I watched Miraz. He shifted uneasily in his seat, as if just wanting to get this over and done. He was hungry for success. He was greedy for power. He wanted every ally he could snatch, Narnian or not. I felt sick, and vaguely wondered why I didn't choose death instead. I might be happier if I did. Thin, wavering moonlight poured in through the open windows, a soft, chill breeze blowing in and stirring papers and hair and clothing. I shivered, though not entirely because of the cold. Finally, I was drawn back into reality as the chamberlain closed his speech.

"...Lord Barke, Lord Phineas, and the Lord Gaunch, all to witness and see the traditional ceremony to take place, and will use their eyes and ears as evidence should events turn. Only when the person sworn under loyalty to the current king dies, or the king himself falls ill and dies, will he obtain a right to dismiss himself from the court. Please step forward."

I obliged, and he motioned for me to hold out my hand. I did so, and he pressed a sharp, cool dagger into my grasp. I steeled my expression, fully understanding and despising it. I was to give a blood-oath.

I hated this man, I really did.

But there was nothing to be done about it. I had agreed. I took a deep breath, and all my emotions, save for despair, disappeared as I slowly drew the dagger across my pale skin, drawing droplets of crimson. I sliced my palm, hissing slightly as blood streamed slowly from it, and I clenched it in a fist. Triumph flashed over Miraz's features as I swore.

"My life and my sword are yours, my king."

And horror above all horrors, I bowed.

I was broken again, but almost satisfied in a strange way.

_**'Aslan, Aslan, Aslan,' **__my mind's voice screamed, begging for release as I tried desperately to keep it quiet. __**'Aslan, forgive me!'**_

_**'There's no Aslan, here...' **__Another voice responded; Icy cold and chilling me from my head to my toes._

_**'Jadis.'**_

"All have witnessed this event here tonight in this room," Miraz grinned, standing from his throne. I stared at my bloodied hand, unable to believe it. "Narnian to Telmarine. How extraordinary, this turn of fate."

_**'So glad you recondnized me, Edmund-dear,' **__She replied sweetly, mockingly. I shuddered again. __**'I missed you...'**_

_**'What do you want?' **__My voice shook slightly as I struggled to keep calm._

"All of you go home in peace. Remember this day when the Narnians threaten you, and remember that not all of them are...a lost cause."

_**'Nothing, nothing,' **__She giggled, toying with my mind, and I was helpless to resist it. __**'Only release.'  
'Release?!'**__ I let out a bark-like laugh, wondering if I was going insane or if I had heard incorrectly, or both. __**'Are you serious?'**_

_**'As serious as Aslan is gold,' **__she swore mockingly, and I shuddered again._

_**'Being locked away for an eternity does get rather tiresome, you know...'**_

The meeting was adjourned. I was now a Telmarine. I tiredly bowed with all the other council members, mumbling praise and honor to Miraz, who didn't seem to detect the stressed falseness and dead unreality of my tone.

"I trust that Queen Prunaprismia has shown you where you are to live?" I nodded numbly, trying to keep Jadis at bay. The queen had shown me a spare chamber on the other side of the dark castle. My mind was on more important matters than sleep at the moment, though...

_**'What's in it for me, then?' **__I asked just as mockingly, rolling my eyes. She grinned._

_**'Oh, whatever you like, as was the case last time.'**_

_**'If being nearly tortured out of my mind for fifteen years knowing that you had killed Aslan because of me is what I had asked for, then I am most satisfied.' **__I spat, and she frowned slightly._

_**'Things are different, this time...You're a little more...'mature'...'**_

_**'Like that has anything to do with anything.'**_

_**'It has everything to do with everything. You know what to ask, now - Anything, anything at all. No tricks.'**_

"Well then, I trust you can find it on your own?" He asked, smiling again. I nodded numbly once more.

"Excellent. Good-night." And with that, he was gone.

_I glared, but felt myself weakening even further. She leapt upon it just like Miraz had._

_**'You want to be King.'**_

_**'Never, under your rule. You tried that last time, remember? 'Prince of Narnia?' '**_

_**'Blast.'**_

_She then settled herself down and began to think, long and hard. This was absolutely comical. I couldn't help but feel as though she were reading me like an open book._

_A spark lit in her cold eyes as I tried to shut her out of my mind again._

_**'What about your brother?'**_

_I froze as though she had just turned me to stone._

_**'...What about him?'**_

_**'Well, you want him back, right?' **__She grinned wickedly, and I felt the bottom of my stomach drop out completely._

_**'Yes...' **__I admitted truthfully. She loved this._

_**'All it takes is just a bit of careful planning. You help me, and we'll both overthrow that upstart King Miraz. When that's all over and taken care of, you'll have your brother back.'**_

_**'Tempting. Very much so. But what will you be doing during this?'**_

_**'Helping you, of course.'**_

_**'Since when have you liked helping me?'**_

_**'Times and attitudes have changed, dear. You won't even hear from me most of the time. I'll only be...helping you along. Now hurry up - The chance wont be here forever, and neither will your brother.'  
'...But--'**_

_Her eyes sparkled with a kind of warmth that I was so longing for, so hoping for...she had never looked so beautiful before...she was the only thing I could see, now. There was no Aslan to chase her off, no Peter to defy her and pull me back, no reason for me not to..._

_Besides, this would both help me to get Peter back, and then I could always lock her back away after that..._

_Yes, I decided. That could always work._

_She stared patiently back at me, almost radiating warmth. I couldn't think about anything but her anymore as I began to speak, falling under her spell._

_I gave in.  
Oh, how I wish I didn't._

_**'...I'll do it.'**_

_**'Yes, you will.' **__She smiled warmly, tenderly._

_Wait half a moment... _

_I knew that smile, that tone. Lion's mane, I had _felt _it.  
Reality suddenly slammed into me harder than a battering ram with seven swords on the end. This was _Jadis _I was talking to. The temptress. Narnia's first tyrant and murderer. Shedder of innocent blood. And I was giving in. Again. I panicked._

_**'Wait a minute - What exactly is the price for your return? How is it even possible?' **__I asked, feeling like a caged animal as I fought for control. Utter terror was the only thing I recognized at the moment._

_It was too late - _again_. She clicked her tongue sympathetically._

_**'Tut-tut, now that isn't nice to think about, is it?' **__She asked sweetly, and I suddenly felt ice-cold and completely outside of my own control. Her icy hand was upon me once again, and I couldn't do anything outside of her malicious will. My mind's voice, or conscience, was roughly dragged away by her white hands into a dark cell in the far corner of my mind, screaming for The Lion. I couldn't hear his piteous shouts anymore as she stepped back into view, beginning her mission by freezing my heart, numbing my emotions. I could have knifed myself in my despair as she took complete and utter control of me.  
__**'Let's get to work.'**_

And I was left alone in the dark hallway, listening to the slow drip of blood from my hand hit the floor.

--------

"Wake up!"  
I made a strangled sort of sound - A mix between a hiss and a snarl as sunlight flooded my vision the second my eyes were halfway open. I squeezed them shut again, letting out a low moan.

"Hey, you, get up!"

I let out another warning growl. I was nearly asleep again before a pillow was promptly slammed over my head. I yelped, reaching for a non-existant dagger beneath my pillow and attempting to draw it out. I opened my eyes to meet my attacker, and once my blurry vision became focused, the figure of an exasperated-looking girl about my age filled my sight. I blinked, and then yipped slightly in surprise, as I had no shirt on.  
"Bloody--!"  
I yanked up the pillow and hid my chest behind it, and she let a slight smirk cross her dark features.

"Um, hello..." I mumbled tiredly, worriedly, feeling slightly unhinged at the fact that a random girl showed up out of nowhere and woke me up.

She sighed, hands on her hips. She was slightly attractive.

"Finally - I've been standing here ten minutes. The king wants a word with you."

I blinked. "...Now?"

"No, in a few months." Her voice dripped with sarcasm, and she completed the act with an eye roll. "Of course. He's in the courtyard. Hurry up and make yourself...presentable. I'm to take you down there."

I looked back and forth from the armor and tunic hanging on the door to her several times before scowling.

"Well, you could look away!" I snapped.

She scoffed under her breath and turned her back, crossing her arms. I slid out of the bed and dashed to the clothing, ignoring her slight giggles at my half-dressed figure. I didn't have time for silly girls. What did Miraz want? My mind kept leaping to conclusions, but the girl continued to distract my thoughts as she hummed a song. I was slipping the black and silver tunic over my head when I asked,

"Who are you?"

"I'm Marie. Awful name, if you ask me. I'd much rather the name 'Raquel' or 'Sarah', not **Marie**." She wrinkled her nose, and watched as I slipped on a pair of boots and snapped a belt around my waist. I didn't like the looks of this Telmarine attire at all compared to the Crimson red tunic I should be wearing, but that merely couldn't be helped. I attempted at combing my unruly hair, but Marie interrupted and insisted that I let her do it. She tried, then declared that it was simply a lost cause, as it was everywhere at once, and threw down the brush. I snorted, shaking the black locks from my eyes and striding to the door. She followed, her skirts sweeping out behind her fluidly, and I opened the door for her. She seemed mildly surprised at this act of simple etiquette, and she blushed faintly. I almost wondered aloud if everything about Narnia had really changed for the worse. Was chivalry not practiced anymore? I closed the door softly behind us as we stepped out into the large hall, seeing the bright morning sunlight stream in through the glass windows on either side of the corridor. It would have been a lovely morning, had it not been spent in near-captivity and worrying yourself sick. I followed Marie, barely listening as she chattered away about her life and family and how she came to work in the castle as a chamber maiden. I chewed my lip, wondering if Peter and the girls were alright and wondering if Miraz had sent soldiers to scout out that area yet. I prayed not. Marie turned back, brown hair flying loosely down her back as she grinned.

"I never got your name. I was sent to rouse you, a near-impossible task in itself, but they referred to you as 'The Narnian', not anything else."

I couldn't help but crack a slight smile - she was almost like Lucy, in a way.

"Edmund. Worse name than Marie, if you ask me..."

She giggled at my quotation, and that set off an entire conversation of history and different cultures and races, wherein I learned more about the Telmarine customs, and she found out a little more about the Narnians in hiding. The talk didn't last long, however, as we neared the courtyard, and another chamber maiden older than Marie rushed up and shoved a stack of folded sheets into her arms.

"Hurry, Marie, take these up to the queens' chambers - Be careful, though, she's getting anxious and a little moody, as the baby has been keeping her on her toes."

The woman shot me a distrusting glare, as if I had anything to do with Prunaprismia's foul attitude. I raised my eyebrows. The elderly lady scoffed slightly and shooed poor protesting Marie away. She looked back at me apologetically before turning the corner and disappearing, leaving me standing there alone. I shook my head, striding casually out into the courtyard, where Miraz and several of his men were talking. I stood in the archway, leaning against the stone pillar and wondering if I should go out just yet.

And as if on cue, an icy cold feeling washed over me, even in the warm, bright sunlight. It was all I could do to keep my teeth from chattering as her chill voice invaded my conscience once again.

_**'Hello again.'  
'Could you stop doing that?'  
'What, the ice? I will admit it is a rather nasty side-affect...for you...but how else are you to know I'm here? Besides. You're far too warm for my liking.'**_

_**'You're irritating.'**_

_**'Yes, I suppose I am. But we ALL have **_**some**_** unpleasant attributes, don't we?'  
'...Just shut up...'**_

_**'Never - We had a deal.'**_**  
**I resisted the urge to bang my head repetitively against the solid rock I leaned against, but it would have been pointless, as Miraz had spotted me. He beckoned me over.

"Come here."

I complied, and joined the Telmarine circle around the king as he looked each of us over. I wondered what was going on. Then I noticed that the 'soldiers' couldn't have been older than fifteen or sixteen at least. This was weird.

"I trust you all slept well enough?"

If 'well enough' meant trying not to freeze to death from Jadis's obnoxiously icy presence, then yes, I did, thank you. But I didn't say it aloud, just merely nodded with the other young soldiers who were probably hiding their own complaints as well. Miraz seemed pleased. The idiot.

"Good. Because I was planning on sword-training the lot of you this morning. You all can handle a blade?"

Once again, I nodded with the others. This was becoming a bit tiring.

"Excellent. All of you - Line up. We will separate you into pairs."

As told, we all lined up next to one another and Miraz chose us by height, telling the ones picked to go pick a spot in the courtyard and warm up. And now I understood. We were to do a sort of tournament, in a bracket-like style. One against one, the winner moved on to the next person, and the loser had to start all over or stand off to watch the rest. I had done this many times before, and I smiled deviously. This should be fun. Unfortunately, I was the smallest, leaving me at the bottom of the line. I huffed quietly, slightly annoyed at being put-down so quickly. By the time I was paired with someone, everyone else had already begun to fight, and the sounds of clanking armor and clashing swords filled the air. My opponent was much taller than me, tan and black-eyed, as most Telmarines were. I pulled Shafelm from his sheath at my side, and got my proper footing, bracing myself for the first attack as the sixteen-year-old across from me prepared to strike.

I was ready when he did.

He struck hard, expecting to overcome me easily, as all did, because of my height and small stature. And, like others, he was surprised when the blade struck empty space instead of opponent.

He gasped in surprise and irritation as my blade swiftly found itself slammed against his heavy armor, and I had to duck out of the way as he swung at my head. I darted under the sweep of his blade, and jabbed at his exposed chest. He backed out of the way just in time, and he swiftly delivered a kick to my shins. I yelped, sweeping under his blade again, narrowly escaping getting the flat of a sword slammed against my head. Oreius's voice rang out clear in my head once again.

_'Confuse the enemy, sir How! Leave the brute force to Wolf's Bane!'  
_Oh, Oreius. How I wish we never left the Narnia we knew.

_**'Going sentimental on me, are you?'**_

_**'Oh, shut up.'**_

_**'That's the second time you've told me that, Edmund-dear, and I really don't appreciate it. Maybe I should teach you to respect your elders...'**_

A searing, white-hot pain shot through my veins quicker than lightning, taking hold of my entire person. I vaguely remember crying aloud in agony, and the very next moment I was swinging my sword at the teenager before me, and quickly sending his sword flying out of his hand with a peculiar twist of the wrist and setting my sword at his throat.  
"Dead," I hissed in a voice that was not-quite my own - It was too cold and harsh. The tanned boy turned suddenly sheet-white, and even I was afraid that I would end up killing him. With an effort, I pulled back, moving on wordlessly to the next person.

_**'See how much better a swordsman you are with **_**me**_** at the wheel?'**_

She purred, and I felt nothing but sick and in need of a warm fire. She took hold again, and I was soon moving up in the ranks, battling harder and faster than my fourteen-year-old frame should even allow. Opponent after opponent was beaten, sending me up farther and farther, unable to control myself. Slash, parry, lunge, duck, swipe. The hot sun beat down, nausea gripped me, and it was all I could do to not faint from exhaustion.

**'STOP!' **I screamed at her, finally collapsing to my knees in the middle of a fight. I had defeated all of the apprentices in the courtyard, no thanks to Jadis, and she had kept me going, battling the full-grown Telmarine men themselves. The apprentices merely stood along the wall, gazing in awe. I breathed heavily, at my limit. Actually, I had passed my limit about five fights ago, but she had cruelly let the fire keep burning until I was well out of energy. I couldn't bring myself to hold my sword anymore as I let it drop from my freezing fingers and onto the stone floor. She giggled.

_**'Don't be too quick to forget that, dear...I can do it again.'**__  
_I gasped in both pain and relief as she withdrew, but not before sending a violent shock of ice through me again, just to taunt. I finally became aware of the silence in the courtyard, but I almost didn't care, as all I really wanted right now was my bed, though it was only an hour before that I had gotten out of it. Miraz seemed to ponder something.

"That...will be enough for today. I have excellent use for all of you."

And he sent us all off, staggering beneath the weight of our armor, but not before vehemently whispering something in my ear, to which I turned sickly white.

Oh, Aslan, this was not good.

* * *

Review, or else I might start singing the review song again. xDD  
-sets Prince Caspian DVD tantalizingly on the review button again...-


	7. A challenge is made

A/N - Hello again, my sweet ducklings!

Thank you all for your reviews. They just keep me going. :P

I'm still struggling with the ending of this fic, so if the chapters start coming a bit slower than usual, I hope you won't blame me. Its hard putting one up every day. xD

I've spoiled you all rotten, I think. Maybe I should put one up every week like Elecktrum...

;D

Just kiddin'. I wouldn't do that to you all.

I swear...  
-shifty eyes-  
Anyways.

Blah blah blah, I own nothing, etc.  
Uhhh if you're easily reduced to tears, you may want to have a tissue box and a stuffed animal nearby for the next couple of chapters. I'm going to try and make you all cry, so be sure and tell me if you do in your reviews. xD

Love you all.  
--Monkey--

* * *

The days came and went, usually containing me struggling with the weight of trying to lead a broken family, let alone a country, by myself.

Sweet Lion, how much leadership had my brother actually shouldered with me, and I never realized? This was actually quite cruel; showing me how much my brother actually helped me through life, after he no longer held possession of it himself.

What a mess I've made of this.

I was leaning over a small table with Caspian, trying to figure out what our next move should be, when Lucy dashed into view, looking terribly shaken and sheet-white. I sat up, alarmed.

"Lucy?"  
"Peter," She gasped, clutching her dagger and desperately trying to gain breath, but unable to. Caspian looked at us both, surprised as well as alert. Susan came trotting out of the dark after Lucy, wide-eyed.

"Peter, there are Telmarines outside of the How," She said semi-calmly, wasting no time as she slung her bow over her shoulder along with her quiver, dark curls spilling over her anxious eyes as my own began to widen. Telmarines? _Now_?  
"What do they want?" I managed to croak, my voice hoarse and distant. Telmarines. The ones who shot down my brother. The murderers. The...

"They...they have a palm-branch, Peter," Lucy piped up as soon as she had breath. I cursed quietly. Reepicheep skittered around the corner, followed by Trufflehunter the badger, Trumpkin the dwarf, the bulgy bear, and eventually all the Narnians in the How. They all looked to me for direction.

"What does a palm-branch have to do with anything?" Caspian asked, confused. Reepicheep answered for me, smoothing back his crimson feather and speaking in a resounding, shrill voice.

"The palm-branch is a sign of peace. The soldiers must be bringing surrender, a challenge, or something around that context. We cannot attack them when they hold temporary peace, or risk being attacked by Miraz's forces and being dead by the morrow. Plus, it would be rude."

A few Narnians smiled at the mouse's ever-present sense of honor and chivalry, but not many. We were all hit hard with the fact that the soldiers were just outside.

"We should--" I began hoarsely, but the valiant mouse, Aslan bless him, cried out,

"We shall go out to meet them, whatever they want!" He drew his tiny rapier with the shrill squeal of metal, and skittered away towards the entrance before anyone could call him back. Several Narnians hesitantly followed him, and Lucy grabbed my hand, pulling me along with the crowd.

"Come on, Peter. Let's see what they want. There are only three of them."

Only three. Somehow, I couldn't stop the growing sense of dread that suddenly pierced my heart.

And nothing could stop the cruel fact that was about to knock the very breath from my lungs.

---

We walked out to the front of the How, standing as a pitifully small crowd as the three soldiers drew nearer. The one in the middle was smaller and slighter than the others, and he alone carried no weapon but a sword at his side, and in his hand was a rolled-up piece of parchment. The other two were tall and bearded, wearing helmets and shirts of fine mail, and they carried swords and daggers at their belts, but they each held one long, green palm branch.

They came closer, and in the grey dawn that slowly spread across the sky, I could finally see their faces.

I screamed.

"ED--!"

I couldn't stop myself. There was a collective, hopeful gasp from the Narnians, and I bolted from my position at the front, nearly blinded by tears as I rushed forward to embrace my brother, my only brother, whom I had thought dead.

Oh sweet Lion, he was alive, _alive_. That was all that mattered.

Nothing could stop me now.

Nothing except my brother's own sword, which was drawn faster than lightning, and I nearly impaled myself upon it, but came to a stop as soon as I realized it was pointed at _me_.

There was a heavily pregnant silence, and I stood, frozen, almost comically, as dark eyes met blue, and the wind whipped the dry and barren ground as dawn settled in. Edmund re sheathed his sword without a word, keeping me standing in stunned silence before him, and began casually unrolling the scroll. He spoke up.

" ' I, Miraz, king of Narnia, emperor of The Lone Islands, noble knight of the Serrand circle, named in honor of Sir Serrand the third, who was among the first of the Telmarine kings - to Peter, sometime High King over Narnia, now styling himself as leader of the barbarian Narnian army, defiling the well-known Telmarine law, greeting!

To prevent the abominable effusion of blood, and for the avoiding of all other inconveniences likely to grow from the wars now levied in the realm of Narnia, it is our pleasure to adventure our royal person on behalf of the throne as ruler of Narnia, in clean wager of battle to prove upon your lordship's body that the Telmarine race are the rightful rulers of this savage land.  
Therefore we most heartily provoke, challenge, and defy your lordship to the said combat and monomachy, and have sent these letters by the hand of our well-beloved and trusted apprentice, Edmund, sometime king before us in Narnia, Sir How, Duke of Lantern Waste and Count of the Western March, Knight of the most Noble order of the Table, to whom we have given full power of determining with your lordship all the conditions of the said battle.

Given at our lodging in the great Telmarine city, over the Telmar river this eleventh day of the month Greenroof, in the fifteenth year of king Miraz, fourth of that name. ' "

Nothing but the sound of the uneasy muttering of the Narnians and the sound of soldiers moving anxiously in their armor filled the gap of near-silence that we experienced after those striking words. I could not bring myself to say anything.

Miraz was using my brother as my only weakness.

I could not even feel stunned. All I felt was a sick, uneasy cold that chilled my bones.

Edmund looked otherwise unaffected by the silence, rolling up the piece of parchment again as I stared, dumb-struck. Reepicheep bravely, albeit a little timidly, broke the silence.  
"So...so it is a challenge? A duel?"

"That's right," My brother replied, dark eyes searching the crowd passively as his raven-black hair blew in the wind. I continued to stare, mouth slightly agape.

"And...who is to duel with the High King?" Reepicheep piped up again, and from that point on, I cursed mice a thousand times over for their common inability to keep quiet.

Edmund let the slightest trace of a wry smile creep across his pale features.

"I am."

---

I could not even remember much of what happened after that striking sentence.

My brother had merely told us all the location of the match, the time, and turned around, stalking off into the fading mist of the wet morning.

One by one, the Narnians began to whisper to one another, vehemently muttering beneath their breaths as they began to walk back into the How. I couldn't bring myself to follow them.

I continued staring after where the three figures had gone, and I let out a shuddering breath, blond locks falling over my eyes haphazardly.

Sweet Aslan...

I had just been broken, remade, and then shattered to pieces once again. Where had my brother gone? Where was the _real _Edmund, the one I had always loved to such a painful degree? I had confessed that to him countless times before, and his response was always the same.

_"Shut-up, Peter, I'm trying to figure out the best way to soundly beat you. Concentration required. You are __**not **__going to victor over me at yet another chess game, sir Wolfsbane. Now, where to put my knight..."_

Tears began to well up in my eyes at the memory. How on earth could I have resented him so much back in England, where he would so willingly throw himself into the midst of one of my childish brawls with other boys my age for my sake, ever-present, ever always at my back, ever always my brother, my king, and my friend.

"_Back-to-back and side-to-side, my kings."  
_I let a dry, broken sob escape me as I dropped painfully to my knees, wishing for the ground to just open up and swallow me whole right then are there. Why? Why did I have to slowly tear us apart? Why did I have to be such a bloody idiot and shun him, slowly pushing him away and giving him nasty responses when he so calmly asked me a question?

Now, as I reflect back, I realize that the day it really happened was about a year ago...

_  
"Peter..."_

_"Go away."_

_"Pete, you're being an idiot. Come out, and for the Lion's sake, do tell me what's wrong!"_

_"No."_

_"Fine, then I'm coming in."_

_I locked the door, leaning heavily against it as I try to shield myself from the world. The world, however, was not going down easily._

_Edmund slammed against the door several times, let out an annoyed groan, then all was silence for a few seconds._

_The next thing I heard was a painful crunching sound, and a few of Edmund's choice swear words, as he had probably (and painfully) injured his toes._

_"BLOODY--! LION'S MANE, PETER, I'M COMING IN WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT."_

_And then I heard the tell-tale 'click' of the lock being picked, and I cursed vehemently, angry with myself for ever teaching him how to pick locks so easily. The next second, I was sent stumbling forwards across the room, as my brother had slammed into the door with all the force his thin frame could possibly muster at once, sending it flying open. I resisted the urge to scream in pure annoyance._

_"Alright, Peter, I'm in, and I'm not leaving until you bloody tell me what the _dickens _is wrong with you lately. You've been snapping at the girls, you've locked yourself up in your room without a word and won't come out, and I bloody _will _find out why."  
He crossed his arms, expression dark, but it was nothing compared to mine. I scowled at him, standing to my full height of six-foot two, and I let the whirlwind of anger and pain inside of me break free._

_"FINE!" I shouted, striding right up close to him, and he didn't even flinch. That made me even more angered._

_"FINE. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I'VE BEEN LIKE THIS, THEN?"_

_With narrowed eyes, he spoke softly, completely contrasting my own shouts and loud voice._

_"That's why I'm here, isn't it?"_

_I fumed._

_"THEN I'LL TELL YOU. YOU. THAT'S THE PROBLEM," I screamed, coming up with an excuse for my mood right off the bat._

_"Me?" He asked, not even fazed._

_"YES, YOU. YOU'VE BEEN HOUNDING ME ALL DAY, EVERY DAY, TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT'S WRONG, PESTERING ME TO NO END, AND I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT. THE GIRLS DO IT, TOO."_

_"Peter, I hope you realize that _I am** your brother**, and I have FULL right to 'hound you' if I like. _We're a _family_.__Families are supposed to care for one another, or have you forgotten?"_

_And I slapped him._

_I then came out of my angry, vehement state-of-being, horrified at what I had done. Edmund was completely caught off-guard as well, gingerly reaching up his hand to feel the fiery red mark on his cheek where I had hit him. Tears of pain and rejection welled up in his eyes.  
"Alright, Peter." He said calmly enough, and he was out the door before I could say anything.  
And I was horrified when I felt a twinge of satisfaction._

Much to my immense pain, I remembered that he even still had never left me, never left my side, ever always a king. Ignoring the taunts and jeers I flung at him, he stood by me, never failing to hold me when nightmares plagued me, but never seeming to care as I scowled at him and pushed him over the next day.

Lucy ran straight up to me, flinging her arms around my waist and sobbing openly into my tunic. Susan soon followed suit, and I just held them as I stared out into the mist, letting tears of my own spill from my eyes as everything crashed over me like a flood.

Oh, Aslan, what had I done?

* * *

-hands you a tissue-


	8. Slow victory

A/N - Hello again!  
Okay, you all are going to want to spear me on a stick and burn me alive in the fire pits of south Mongolia, but...  
What good would THAT do you? :P  
Anyways. Thank you so much for your reviews. They just keep me going. :P

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.  
Disclaimer - I own nothing. That much is clear.  
And...you may want tissues and a teddy bear for the next chapter. Just so you know.

* * *

I closed my eyes, refusing to give in to the billions of emotions screaming to get out, begging for release.

My brother was there. Alive and whole. I had just tried to spear him with the end of my sword, and then I relayed Miraz's challenge to him.  
And I walked away.

The disappointment and hurt on every face was just enough to do me in, especially his.

Oh, damn it, Peter. Why can't I keep you out of my mind?

You've disappointed me too many times. Now I'm going to do something about it.

I'll make sure of it.

_**'Missing Peterkins already, are we?' **_Jadis crooned unhelpfully, and I rolled my eyes, strapping on my van braces. _**'Ickle Eddikins just can't survive without thinking about him every three seconds, can he?'**_

'_**Peter is my **_**brother**_**,' **_I snapped back, flipping the hair from my eyes as I yanked on all the Telmarine armor that had been set apart for me. Jadis shook her head sympathetically.

_**'Yes, and he'll be yours again soon, if you agree to do as I ask.'**_

I froze.

_**'Are you about to finally tell me what you plan on doing?'**_

_**'I am, so no backing out on me, or the consequences will be severe.'**_ She smiled winningly, and I sighed, hating every minute of this.

_**'Alright, then tell me.'**_

How I wish I never asked that question. I nearly impaled myself on my own sword when she told me. It was ridiculous.

_**'You want me to WHAT?'  
'Oh come on,' **_She threw up her hands, impatient. _**'It's only a few drops. Honestly, I don't know why you make such a big deal about it.'**_

I glared at the imaginary Jadis in my head. This was stupid. I should have never listened to her.

_**'Ah,' **_she crowed softly, and I cursed myself for ever letting her in. _**'But you see, Edmund, now that I'm in, I can't get out. I'll always be here, toying with your head. And if you try to get rid of me, I'll torture you into madness, do not think I won't. You have to do this, for my sake, for your sake, for your brother's sake.'**_

I almost screamed. She was so _maddening _it was nearly unbearable. I strapped on my sword angrily, scooping up my helmet but not putting it on, and exiting the tent.

_**'I'll be waiting...'  
**_Somehow I didn't doubt it.  
And the only thing I thought about for these few sparse minutes as I walked slowly toward the battleground was what I was going to have to do.

_  
_---

Silence.

Nothing but silence was all that filled the stretch between me and my brother as I walked calmly into the circle that was set up, glaring across the invisible sound barrier between us, glaring at him.

I suddenly hated him. His perfect, sandy blond hair, his ocean-blue eyes, his deep scarlet Narnian tunic with the blazing gold lion upon it. It was an anger I couldn't explain. It was as if I loved him so much that I hated him for it.

'_**You know what you have to do...'  
**_I had to stop myself from going and finishing him off right then and there. I handed my helmet to Glozelle, who looked ready to protest and insist I have it back, but I refused. I then kneeled low at Miraz's side, ignoring the sudden screams of "TRAITOR!" from the Narnian ranks as I focused on listening to what he had to tell me. He stroked his black beard thoughtfully, and I burning pang ignited inside of me. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to fight for Miraz.  
But I had no choice.  
He said nothing but "Do not lose," and then sent me off. The Narnians calmed ever-so-slightly, but all the same, they began shouting their anger and immense displeasure at me as I stepped up to the middle, hand on my sword. I let my breath out in a low whoosh. Peter had refused his helmet as well, and walked up as I had, fidgeting with his sword. He sent me a pleading look, and I returned it with a glare. The shouts of the Narnians soon died away, and all was silence again. I surprised myself by speaking.

"Too cowardly to even stand before your younger brother, now? Too ashamed to admit he found favor in something greater than Aslan, and you didn't?" The words that came from my lips were not my own. I was shocked and appalled, and I wanted to rip out my tongue and stop the words from coming, but Jadis wouldn't consent.

Peter, however, heard my voice, not her's. He cringed slightly, and a steely look came in his eye that I did not like at all.

I had to be extremely quick on my feet as he yanked out his sword and dealt the first blow. I blocked it, twisting around smoothly and attacking his side. He parried it and retaliated, and the only sound that could be heard after that was the quick, heart-broken rings of our two swords, but only one was to be used to disarm and kill the other. The Narnians cheered for Peter, their voices rising and lowering steadily as blow after blow was dealt. I fought back, and the black mass behind me that was the Telmarine army cheered as well.

I shuddered, ice creeping through my veins again, and then my vision became a little red-tinged as Jadis maliciously began setting off all of my emotions against my own brother. I couldn't fight it.

Soon I was hammering him to death with blows far beyond either of our abilities, trying to tire him out. He was weakening fast beneath my sword, but putting up a good fight. I wanted to scream, to tell him I wasn't doing this, but he couldn't see the icy-blue glint in my normally deep brown eyes, couldn't see the inner turmoil that was tearing me apart inside. I could feel Miraz's hard, steely eyes boring into the back of my head as he watched the fight hungrily.  
Peter stumbled a bit, and I lashed out, nearly sending him to his knees. He swung back, panting, sun glinting off his armor. He struck my shoulder, slicing through the Telmarine-wrought mail and cutting my arm, looking like he would have rather not done that. I cried out and kicked at his shins, ramming my metal-clad boots into his leg. He winced, growing steadily weaker. I was, too.  
"What's this?" Jadis used my voice again. I hated every second of this. "Does the High King need a respite? Or is he too proud to even admit he's tired, proving that he is weak?"

Peter fought back again, striking an impressive blow that nearly took my arm off, but I parried it. The ice continued to travel through my body, numbing everything. Though the summer sun beat down on us, I was freezing cold. He slashed, I ducked. I jabbed, he parried. It went on like this for what seemed like an eternity and a day, nothing existing but us two. I let out a harsh laugh completely not my own, and to my immense horror, disarmed my brother and sent him to his knees. The Narnians let out a collective moan of astonishment and fear as the Telmarines roared in glee.

I held both swords in my hands, breathing heavily, staring down at him, my vision continuing to take on a reddish hue. He stared up at me, not in the least fearful for his life, panting heavily as he slowly blinked, wincing in pain at some newly acquired bruise or cut.

He was truly magnificent. Finally, my brother and king had returned.

'_**Now, do it now!' **_Jadis screamed victoriously, and I complied, though not how she wanted.  
Her plan was uttering the words she instructed me to say while slicing my brother's hand to draw blood, thus giving her 'Adam's blood'. She couldn't use mine, as she was residing in me. It had to be my brother. But I had a plan of my own.

I looked my brother in the eye, panting, and held both swords near his throat. He continued looking at me evenly, calmly, not even the least bit terrified.

I made up my mind, right then and there.

The whole world stopped rotating. No birds sang, no creature made any noise of any kind.

The only thing that existed was me and my brother, and a steely resolve slammed into me as I let my emotions take hold.

"You may think yourself a ruler," I spat, shaking slightly, looking Peter directly in the eye. He bowed his head, ready to take death as I gave it. "But now," I hissed, preparing myself. "It is finished." I finished through clenched teeth, a wild, ice-blue spark in my eye, raising both weapons with shaking white hands.  
But only one person knew exactly who I had directed those words to.

'**NO--!' **She howled, an animal-like snarl smeared across her face. A small smile broke mine.

And I ran myself through.

* * *

-flees fom random objects flung at her, including a knife-  
Don't kill me yet! I need to get the next chapter out! ;~;


	9. Slow bleed

Hello again, my sweet readers!  
THIS is the chapter I've been wanting to get up since we began. It also means that this is the last chapter you're going to see for awhile, because I haven't gotten the next half written.  
Dx  
Annnnnnnd I'm going to a friends house to watch the entire extended Lord of the Rings trilogy nine hours straight.  
8D  
Squee.  
And so dear readers, I beg you to grab your tissues and teddy bear, because this is probably the most angsty chapter I've written.  
Its kinda cheesy in some parts, but...  
I luffs it.  
=D  
Love you all, and I'll be back with the ending soon, I promise!  
---Monkey---  
Disclaimer - judging by all my other disclaimers, you'd think people woulda figured it out by now...

* * *

_Pain, ice and fire was all I could see and feel as Jadis let out a scream of rage, and I stabbed myself below the heart.  
**'Traitor!' **She shrieked as I blindly crashed to the solid ground, trying hard not to scream in absolute pain. I writhed in agony as she began to bring her vengeance down on me, even as I lay dying, but I almost gladly accepted it._

_Peter was still safe, still not dead, and that's all I could have asked for._

_The sword was extracted from my body and I barked in pain, finding it extremely difficult to breathe. Darkness began pressing in on me from all sides, I couldn't see, couldn't draw breath--  
'**I warned you,' **Jadis snarled, sending a shock of excruciating pain through my veins, nearly causing me to cry aloud. __**'I told you I'd make sure of your death. I told you, didn't I?'  
**She looked out of her mind with anger. She probably was._**  
**

_---_

The sickening, slicing sound of a weapon punching through mail, skin and bone, a pain-ridden exhale of absolute agony, and I whipped up my head just in time to see my brother fall, taken down by his own sword.

I was screaming, I know I was, and I immediately jumped forward to catch him before he hit the stone. Blind panic was the only thing I knew as shouts and chaos erupted behind me. I gingerly laid a hand on the hilt of the sword, and yanked out the now blood-coated metal, and Edmund gasped in pain. I nearly gasped in pain myself. I was back at Beruna, holding my brother, so feeble and small in my arms as he slowly died. Indeed, he looked just as feeble and small as I hurriedly ripped off part of my tunic to stem the increased blood-flow, hot crimson swelling between my fingers. The hissing sound of thousands of swords being drawn, and shouts of "TO ARMS, TELMAR!" from the Telmarine side broke through the mass of sounds and colors. But all I could see and feel was my brother.

His breathing was rough and shallow as he struggled to stay alive, and I could only hold him as he slowly faded, so stark white against his dark features. He clutched at my tunic desperately, eyes shut hard against some force or evil.

"No," He rasped, trying to hold on as his life slipped away. I only held him closer, begging for something, anything, to help us both. "No, no, not Peter, you can't--can't kill Peter..."

"Edmund, I'm right here, right here," I whispered back, my heart quickly being torn apart. His grey Telmarine tunic seemed to suck all the color from his nearly colorless skin, making him look that much whiter and in pain as I could only wonder what on earth to do.  
"Don't...please...Peter...!"

He hadn't turned against us. He never had. Always loyal to his king he stood, even in death. I sobbed aloud, shaking with uncontrollable tears as he struggled just to stay conscious.  
Aslan, please...**  
**  
_--_

_My minds voice screamed in agony as she continued mercilessly torturing my soul, and then the pictures started playing.  
Peter, chained up in the very icy cell I had been in the last time we were in Narnia. He was bleeding, screaming and cursing my name. I stared in shock, but before I could do anything, the scene changed.  
The girls, running from wolves, Lucy bleeding badly. I tried to run to them, to unsheath my sword and kill the vile beasts, but Jadis held me in place with her vise-like grip on my shoulder. Lucy screamed my name before she was leapt upon and viciously torn apart.  
I felt extremely weak in the knees as the scene changed to Susan at Cair Paravel, in all of her gentle beauty, but she was crying. Moonlight spilled across the room, illuminating her dark figure. She seemed to jump at my sudden appearance, and she backed away, lower lip trembling as she fought to restrain her tears. She laid a hand upon the dagger that she kept on her desktop, and pointed a shaking finger at me._

_"What, have you come to kill me too?"_

_"Susan," I protested weakly, screaming inside of my head that this wasn't real. This was not happening. "What are you talking about? I didn't kill--"_

_"I can hear their screams, even now, and their blood is on your hands." She accused, voice shaking as well as her entire being._

_--_

His breathing grew quicker, and I was afraid each one he exhaled would be his last.  
"No, no, I didn't...--" He let out a weak scream of agony, completely tensed up and wildly fighting something invisible. I tried desperately to calm him, but he acted as though he were being beaten to death.

I screamed aloud as he did, cried over him as he continued to slip away, blaming myself for every second of his pain.

I had sent Lucy and Susan off to find Aslan, Lucy with the cordial. There was nothing I could do but hold him as he died.

The sounds and smells of battle raged around us, but I could only hear and feel my brother in my arms while he gasped for breath.

Tear tracks glistened on his face as he fought with something, trying desperately to live.  
"Peter...--" He breathed.

_**--**_

_I instinctively looked down, and horror filled my soul as the crimson liquid slowly ran off my hands in rivulets. It wasn't my own. I looked back up at her, and her blue-grey eyes echoed nothing but fierce hate and loathing as she positioned the knife above her chest, tears streaking down._

_"Anything you'd like me to tell them when I get there?"  
"SUSAN, NO--!"  
With a forced effort, she drove the knife in, and breath hitching horrifyingly, she fell, blood spattering the carpet.  
With a scream, I dropped down as well, though it was partly because Jadis threw me, laughing. I crawled weakly across the floor, laying my head on my sister's bloody chest, trying to hear her loving heartbeat. There was none._

_Then, only then was I broken.  
Then, every single nightmare I had ever had in my entire span of life, both Narnia and not, exploded in my vision and all I could do was watch as they rushed in front of me, taunting, laughing..._

_Every other one had something to do with Peter, almost always in a swordfight with Jadis._

_He fought her, trying helplessly, and the only thing I could do was watch as Jadis took the upper hand._

_She ran him through with both of her swords, and he died, blue eyes echoing shock and absolute agony, looking at me helplessly before he fell._

_"NO--!"_

_I screamed in torment, unable to do anything. This was Hell. It had to be. Kneeling over on my knees, clutching at my hair and ears, trying to block the insufferable sound out. It wasn't working._

_I struggled to keep breathing, and I heard Peter's anxious voice above me._

"Ed? Edmund! Please! Don't die, oh Aslan, please don't die..."

_Wait a minute. Peter wasn't dead._

"Peter?" _I voiced aloud, trying to open my eyes, but they were so heavy...every muscle in my body was both tense and unwilling to work. I shivered. It was far too cold. I barely heard his voice again before Jadis unleashed all my hidden secrets, all the demons that I had held at bay for so long.  
I screamed in complete and total affliction as everything I ever knew was used against me; my siblings were there, looking on without remorse or concern for my current situation, Aslan was there, looking large and terrible and growling, and all my guilt and pain crashed over me, pinning me down and endless agony was felt. Fire and ice exploded, everything disappeared. And finally, there was silence._

_**--**_

And then he died.

Going suddenly limp in my arms, I held his lean frame carefully, staring with complete shock, unable to believe it. His heart quit beating; he no longer took in breath. His deep brown eyes that so sparked with mischief would never open again.

He could have almost been sleeping, he looked so peaceful.

I died.

I laid myself against a stone pillar, completely lost and spirit fatally wounded. I held him close, cradling him in my arms as I sobbed into his untidy mess of black locks. I refused to believe it, laying my ear onto his chest, listening for the heartbeat that wasn't there.  
He had left, and he wasn't ever coming back. How I wish I could have told him how much I really loved him before he was gone. Why, why, why?

--

_A pressing, lonely silence. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't feel anything. And like a white mist, she came silently, looking triumphant.  
"Now, you are mine."_

_And the cruel realization hit me with such force I almost succumbed to tears._

_I couldn't do it on my own._

_There was no 'locking her away', as I had so foolishly believed. How could I have ever thought that? I had been so stupid._

_Aslan, please..._

_Forgive me._

_Her chill breath against my ear sent shivers down my spine as she whispered, malice practically dripping from her voice,_

_"Aslan doesn't give second chances to those who don't deserve them."_

_And I cracked._

_"You're wrong," I denied quickly, albeit a little uncertainly. She couldn't be right...  
Eyebrows raised, forehead creasing, and her expression spoke nothing but absolute hatred._

_"Am I?"_

_**--**_

_**  
**_And then there He was.  
Powerful and golden and much larger than I had last seen Him, He stood just across from me, looking distressed and painfully sorrowful. But even His sorrow could not compare to the gaping black void that used to be home to half my soul.

"Child," Aslan murmured, leaning close in and nuzzling me, but somehow His warmth wasn't even felt. "Why are you distressed so?"  
I almost glared at Him, completely angry as to why He should dare to ask such a question. He caused this to happen, after all. He knew everything that was to happen, and He knew this, so why didn't He stop it? I stroked Edmund's black bangs from his forehead, ignoring the scraggly blond ones that dangled before my eyes.

"Edmund is dead, Aslan."

And somehow, now that I said it, it made it final. My tears began anew, and I curled myself around my brother, not even caring what happened next.  
And I died.  
I wanted to take the very sword he had killed himself with and run myself through, if only to follow him and just catch a glimpse of his eyes that so danced with mischief. And then I would tell him I was so sorry, and then maybe, maybe he'd find it somewhere in himself to forgive me.  
Aslan leaned forwards again, His warm voice penetrating my fear and pain and calming me slightly.

"He is not. It is merely an act. Let Me see him."

--

_And all at once, I felt sick. It was happening. Again._

_It was too late. I had sold myself to her at the very beginning._

_I had been destined to die._

_She wordlessly extended her white, pallid hand, smiling winningly.  
"Come, little prince. You have no need for Aslan where we're going."_

_I let my eyes slide shut against the tears that were rapidly trying to escape, biting down hard on my lip to keep it from trembling, reaching out for her hand._

_She was right. I was nothing to The Lion, anymore. I had betrayed Him knowingly again, hadn't I? How could He possibly have the capacity or will to save me now?_

_--_

Stunned, I looked up into His warm, golden eyes, hardly daring to hope. That was all it took. I complied, watching as He lay down before me, and I carefully did as I was instructed. Soon, Aslan held Edmund close in His huge paws, nuzzling him gently, and I wondered what could possibly be done, and what He meant by 'act'. Aslan purred slightly, gently licking my brother's face and hair and neck, as a mother cat does a kitten.  
"Awake, Edmund, sleep no longer."

--

_Death was only a few seconds away. My fingers nearly touched hers.  
I could only feel her cold hatred of me, and I fancied I could feel Aslan's as well.  
It was absolute agony._

_Without warning, an ear-shattering roar rang out in my conscience, staying my hand, and my eyes flew open. It wasn't possible...  
Was it?  
Before either of us had a chance to react any further, a Voice warm as the summer sun broke through her chill barrier, and she hissed slightly._

"Awake, Edmund, sleep no longer." _It commanded, and all I wanted to do was obey the voice. I began to shakily stand to my feet, and my hand reached out instead for the light that was rapidly flooding the place, rather than Jadis's white one. But the witch was too quick, and she caught me by the shoulder before I could, and falling to the ground we fought, rolling and kicking and snatching.  
"Mine!" She screamed over and over again as I tried desperately to twist away from her, blind panic taking hold. Aslan was there. I had heard His Voice. I was filled with both terror and fierce longing as I struggled to be near the Golden Light.  
Jadis would have none of it.  
My numb fingers barely brushed the expanse of Light before I was roughly tackled from the side, sent sprawling in the shadows.  
She pinned me down with a freezing knife at my throat, eyes glinting with anger and bloodlust.  
"Mine..."  
Eyes wide, I couldn't move or even see the Light anymore. Triumphant, Jadis pressed the knife down harder, drawing blood.  
Blackness nearly enshrouded my vision as breath eluded me - hazily, I could see her, white face contorted with victory and pride.  
"Mine." She declared in a whisper, and I barely had a grip on life anymore as breath escaped me completely._

_--_

When nothing happened, I knew that this was all a load of rot. I felt myself growing angry at The Lion once more, but He seemed to not be finished as He patiently waited for something. Then, He nearly scared me so badly I jumped out of my skin as a magnificent and ear-blowing roar escaped His throat.

"BEGONE, JADIS. Return to your own place - plague him no longer."  
And an icy wind stirred up the dust and smell of the battle, blowing over us three, and then it was gone.

And I could have passed out with happiness.

--

_Then the Voice roared.  
_"BEGONE, JADIS. Return to your own place - plague him no longer."  
_Relief like the summer sun descended as she let out an ear-shattering scream of rage, stolen her prize once again.  
And then she was gone, in a burst of tiny snowflakes._

The first breath of air I took in was so sharp, I coughed. Then I took in another, and another, until I was breathing normally. The air I dragged into my lungs was sweet and heightened with the scent of heavy perfume. Opening my eyes, shock and wonder and fear and joy took hold as I breathed out sharply, taking in the sight.

Warm, gentle and golden, Aslan bent down His great head and gave me wild Lion's kisses, purring slightly, and I was taken up immediately in His golden aura. I was still slightly confused as to where I was, and even who I was, but that didn't seem to matter as I leaned into the touch. He breathed on me, smiling a very cat-like smile.

"Well done, child."

_**--**_

Jerking suddenly, as if he were only waking up, Edmund opened his eyes with a gasp of breath. Aslan seemed pleased as He gently nuzzled him, and my brother seemed a little confused as to why The Lion was there. He seemed not to care in the least, though, as he wrapped his arms as far around Aslan's neck as they would go, burying himself deeply in the sea of gold that was His mane. Aslan purred.

"Well done, child."

Edmund's only response was that he shifted further into The Lions mane. How I wished I could still have such faith that my youngest siblings held in Aslan, as to feel completely at home between His huge paws and sharp teeth, not in the least afraid of His terrifying claws. I used to have such faith - Where did it go?

--

Memories and emotions and guilt all came running back at me, clinging onto me and refusing to let go even as I clung to His soft mane, praying that He was real, that this wasn't some twisted setup for a nightmare Jadis had planned.  
_"But I haven't done anything,"_ I protested weakly in my head, and the response I got was a slight growl. _"That is not true."_  
_"...I betrayed Narnia again, Aslan,"_ I whispered, pleading for Him to realize what I waste of time I was, now, and to realize what kind of person He just saved. Again.

What I got in response was not what I had expected.

_"I gave you nothing you could not handle. You did not betray Narnia or Myself for any selfish reason, and it did not do anything but move you farther along the path I gave you to walk. But dear heart, why did you run to the witch, and not trust Me?"_ He asked gently, eyes filled with slight reproving and a hint of sorrow.

I couldn't bear to look at His face. He was so powerful, and I was so weak. He was so perfect, and I was so wrong. He was so beautiful, and I fell short.  
Why, then, did He care?  
I bit my lip, daring to look back up at Him. He was so wise...nothing was a surprise to Him.  
_"I...thought you didn't..."_ I looked away from Him quickly, feeling so foolish. _"...want me."_  
There was the tiniest hint of reproving in His sweet, golden face, and I ducked my head, unable to bear it.

_"Why did you not remember My Sacrifice, dear one?"_  
I swallowed hard, unable to even think straight anymore.

_"I don't know, Aslan..."_  
_"I have never left you during this journey, Edmund,"_ He shook His great head slightly, breathing upon me once more. I relaxed slightly, but still felt ashamed at what I had, or hadn't, done. _"Never will I leave you, nor forsake you."_  
_"Wish I had remembered that earlier,"_ I mumbled slightly, and He chuckled a bit, smiling warmly.  
_"All is forgiven. I only want you to see that no matter what happens, I am always near."_

I nodded slightly, pressing my face into his mane that much further. He was so warm...

_"But I'm a Telmarine, now..."_ I said, surprising myself slightly by voicing the concern at what this could mean.  
_"Not so. Miraz has died, and you have died."_ Confused, I leaned back and looked into His eyes. Was I really dead? Everything hurt, but with Him so near, it was nullified so that it didn't bother me too much. I looked down, touching the spot on my torso where the sword had been. It was completely healed. I looked back at Him, and His eyes spoke nothing but truth, hope and love, such as which I had needed, wanted, and craved for so long.  
_"Died, Aslan?"_  
_"You DID die. In Miraz's very presence, you died. But now the old is resurrected, and the new is come."_ His eyes flashed with deep joy and laughter, and I stroked His mane, drinking in this moment. All my pain and anxiety melted away 'neath His gentle gaze, making room for completely indescribable love and a burning want to serve Him, even if it meant swimming in the deepest ocean, or leaping from the highest purred again, and I was finally convinced. I proceeded to bury myself in His mane once more, so thankful for His warm presence after what seemed like such a cold eternity.

_"Thank you..."  
"You're welcome,_" He said smugly, and even I almost then nudged me with His nose ever-so-slightly, and I looked up to see my blood-soaked and miserable and purely magnificent brother.

"Peter..." Everything that had just happened, that had happened before, and that would happen, depended on this moment.

He snapped to attention, falling to his knees and crouching by my side. He'd slipped into one of his guilt-fits, I noticed -it was always easy to tell-, and everything that he had done to me this past year unhelpfully resurfaced in the forefront of my mind.  
But they didn't matter anymore. I had already forgiven it all.  
Uncertainty and absolute, soul-wrenching guilt were ever-present in his expression, and I couldn't decide whether to slap him or to hug him. With tears in my eyes, I did both.

--

"Peter..." A small voice broke my insane tirade of thoughts, and I snapped back to attention as soon as I realized the words had come from my brother. I dropped down immediately beside them both, arms hanging loosely at my side, unsure of what to do. I drew in a sharp breath. He looked so pale, so tired...this was all my fault from the start. If I hadn't--  
Edmund stared at me, breaking through my guilt-trip quite soundly, fighting the desire to do something he desperately wanted to do.  
When he did, I almost wasn't ready for it.

First, he slapped me, and then he launched himself into my arms with a cry. I caught him gladly, never wanting to let go as I wrapped my arms around him. He buried his head in my shoulder, shaking slightly.

--

Everything was going to turn out alright, I decided as he held me close, both of us listening to each other's heartbeat.  
A single tear slipped out as I heard the strong thrum of his ever-beating heart, and promised myself that I wouldn't cry any more than that.

I lied to myself. I sobbed like a blubbering idiot.  
But that was alright.

Because I cried for the pain of losing my brother, the joy of claiming him back as my own again, and sorrow at what I had put him through. I whimpered, clutching at his tunic.

--

"Ed?" I questioned slightly, unsure of what emotions I should be feeling at the moment. There were too many. He only shook that much harder, and with a shock of realization and horror, I realized he was crying.  
My stoic, sarcastic, snarky brother was actually shedding tears. Over what, I had yet to figure out, but I could probably place a pretty good guess.

"You idiot," He whispered thickly, and I could only hold him as he cried himself out. "You bloody, bloody idiot."  
"I know," I whispered back, tears pricking unhelpfully at my eyes. "I know, I know."  
And he leaned back to look at me. Then he smiled, albeit a little waterily.

"You look bad."  
Tears escaped my eyes at this remark, though they were tears of relief as I barked,

"You don't look so well, either! You just bloody ran yourself through with a sword! You're pale and tired and thin and bleeding, not to mention your million bruises..."  
And he laughed. The sound I realized I had missed for so, so long. In reality, it was rare in itself, and even rarer this past year.

Clear as bells, and truthfully one of my favorite sounds in the entire world, he laughed and laughed, seeming unable to stop. I ended up laughing with him, shaking my head at my mother-hennishness. I had missed doing it, really. But I was more than glad that he was back, more grateful than I could ever express that things had turned for the better. When the laughter began to cease, I sniffed.

"Don't leave me," I whispered thickly, suddenly a nervous, emotional wreck as I crushed him to me again. He complied, rolling his eyes and letting me hug him to my hearts content. Which would be holding him forever, but I decided not to mention that.  
"I don't plan to," He replied quietly, and we stayed silent like this for a long time.

And Aslan stood near by, merely smiling that very cat-like smile.

* * *

8D  
Review and tell me how much you cried! (You cried. Don't you lie to yourself - you sobbed.)


	10. Light

_A/N  
-COUGHCOUGHDIE-_

_It's been too long. I'm so sorry you guys.  
Writers block hit me really hard, plus the combined effects of laziness when I had time and no time when I wanted to write.  
__CONSPIRACY._

_Anyways._

_I present to you my totally disappointing ending. Though I kinda like the very end. Kinda._

_I really feel as though this falls short with my own standards, but I have no idea what to do with it. Wrote it last night in a feverish state of 'must-write-ending', and here it is. :P  
Dontkillme._

_Oh, and...err...this is my last, you guys.  
Most likely._

_I've really, really enjoyed hearing you guy's thoughts on this. They always make my day. :P  
So yeah.  
Hope you enjoy, blah blah blah, love you all, etc...  
I hope to be back in the future. But I can't seem to find any inspiration for a fic. So if you've always wanted to see something done and dont want to do it yourself, please, PLEASE, let me know, via review or PM._

_;D  
Ciao!  
---Monkey._

* * *

The sounds and smells of battle were the first things I came to know in the hazy, blurred mess that followed.

Warring men and creatures littered the field, screaming their throats raw as they fought for control, fought for the upper hand. I ducked out of the way just in time as a snarling Bobcat raced past me and leapt, claws and teeth at the ready, at an unsuspecting Telmarine. The screaming that followed was almost unbearable, but I forced myself to concentrate on a lively piece of music as I took on a soldier nearby.

It wasn't as if I hadn't been in wars before. Oh, no. I'd had my fair share of them. I slammed my shield into a soldier behind me, fighting, screaming...

It was just a bit much for me to handle at the moment, but I wasn't about to walk up to the Telmarines and tell them that. That would get me nowhere but dead and bleeding on the ground.

Slash, thrust, parry, dodge. Sprint, roll, shield-slam, jab. It went on and on like this for what seemed like an eternity, blood flowing like a river, bodies continually falling upon one another, death taking her due today. I let out a scream, ignoring how hoarse it sounded, and swung Shafelm at an oncoming soldier. He died with eyes wide open, my blade in his chest where blood was rapidly coating the metal, and I could plainly see what he thought of me in his expression.

Traitor.

I smiled bemusedly, slightly insanely as I fought another. I could completely understand their reasoning behind the assumption, I knew, but I was done with it, done with dwelling on it, done with being brought down by it.

But I just for the life of me could not figure out how to let go.

I parried the soldier's blade, fighting with all I had within me not to pass out or something of the like. It was too hot. Colors were too faded. Vision started to blacken...

The clouds of dust and the almighty stench of battle clouded the air, seeming to seep over everything like a thick mist. The blood soaked the ground and fed the thirsty roots of what was left of the sparse vegetation that wasn't either trampled or already dead. I could barely see past the soldier in front of me because of the absolute stifling, vision-impairing cloud of topsoil in the air. We were losing. I could see it in every face, hear it in every agonized cry that cut through the air. We were Despair's for the taking.

The Telmarine took advantage of my weakening status and nearly took my head off at one point, but a large German shepherd slammed into him from the side and barked madly, eyes rolling with the rage and chaos of battle. I didn't think it had really come to my rescue, though, because as soon as it had stained its maw crimson red with Telmarine blood, it turned on me, teeth bared. It was so _young_...barely an adult dog, yet. It snapped its jaws and howled all the same, though, landing its front paws on my shoulders so that it was standing up as I tried to control my breathing.  
"Be you Telmarine or Narnian?" It growled, and I was slightly relieved that the canine had asked such a question before it made its next move. "You have white skin like the High King Peter instead of the tan of the Telmarines, but you wear their coat of arms."  
Oh, I was? Blast. I had forgotten about that.

"Aslan is my King," I replied, and the dog immediately snapped from its vicious, raging state into what could merely be described as an excited, happy puppy.

"Aslan!" He barked, nearly wagging his entire backside in his excitement at the name, seeming to forget all about his previous intentions. "He's real? You've seen Him?"

I smiled slightly.

"I have, friend."

"What's He like? Is He quite wonderful?" The dog begged, and I had to stop myself from laughing.

"The most terrifying and awe-striking thing I have ever beheld, and yet the most merciful and gentle of beasts."

That seemed to strike the dog silent as he contemplated my answer.

"...Is He back?" He asked again, and I was saddened at the fact that hardly any of them had ever seen The Lion I so loved, The Creator.

"He is," I nodded, and the dog lifted his paws from my shoulders and ran about on all fours, giddy with happiness.

"Aslan! Aslan," he repeated, gibbering on and on. "This means we can come back out of hiding! No more dark, no more tears! This will be the end of oppression! Slyan's family will be so happy when I go back to tell them!"

"'At the sound of His roar, sorrows will be no more...'" I quoted softly, watching the Shepherd hound run about in a crazed-like state, howling and barking as he fought to wrap his mind around the idea of Aslan returning.

And then it came.

A cloud of dust and dirt exploded right where the poor dog had been standing, debris and soil flying up and knocking me backwards several steps. A huge, bloodstained boulder stood where Slyan had been only moments before. Coughing, eyes wide, I shouted out for the dog, unable to believe it.

"Slyan!" I screamed, the weight of losing such an honorable creature coming down on me hard. "SLYAN!"

His dream had been shattered. I couldn't even feel happy at the fact that he had at least learned that Aslan was back, because it did him no good, now.

He was dead.

Devastation hit me as I swung my sword blindly around and it met with the shield of another soldier. I had just lost a friend, no matter how short the friendship was. It didn't matter. I had lost a friend, a subject, and a brother in Aslan. I swung at the Telmarine again, roaring with rage as I let my current emotional state fuel my fighting. The dog, the poor dog...

The Telmarine fought back, slamming his shield into my weapon. Hissing slightly as the vibration of the hit shot up my arm, I heard the cracking of what seemed like giant twigs snapping apart.

The Telmarine I was fighting had gone sheet-white as he looked over my shoulder. He then dropped his weapons and ran for his life, along with thousands of other Telmarines, shouting and screaming in terror.

In confusion, I turned around and saw just about the entire forest springing to life, hundreds and thousands of trees and creatures of the wood charging out with valiant cries. Naiads and Dryads and Wood Nymphs and Walking Trees and creatures of the like sprung out from the masses, roots and flowers and vegetation and water washing everything away in a flood of renewal. I ducked out of the way as they charged past, the sound of a Lion's Roar echoing eerily against every tree, sung from every creature, reverberating against the air and splitting forth in large sound waves that shook the heavens with its sheer volume. I felt renewed by its sound, all my fatigue and hurting and ill feelings seeming to drain away immediately and leaving me feeling so much more. I felt as though the dog would soon be meeting Aslan after all, somewhere in Aslan's own glorious, perfect country.  
The Tree roots dove beneath the surface as they waded in the bloodstained ground, casually tearing apart Telmarine catapults with ease as they plowed through the masses.

I spotted my brother nearby, and he looked every bit the High King that had somehow been lost along the way as I ran up beside him. He wordlessly slung his arm over my shoulder, and we watched the magic of Narnia spread over the entire land. All the creatures around and behind us stared in complete awe. These things had been complete legends to them, and here they were, after thirteen hundred years of captivity within themselves. Breaking loose in a torrent of beauty and innocence, Narnia was renewed.

I was smiling quietly, I knew, and Peter was as well as he called out the order to chase them to the river.

---

Standing on the banks of Beruna, I realized just how incredible the moment really was.

The Lion stood on the other side of the bridge, Lucy at His side - how I wanted to go embrace her again and just hold her forever - and the Telmarines stood on the bridge, uncertain, caught in the middle. Our tiny Narnian army stood behind them with weapons at the ready, and in front of them stood The One who they had so hated and mocked all these years.

And then Sopespian hesitantly called the order for a charge.  
A few men started forwards, almost too terrified to go further. They needn't have bothered.

Sweet and terrifying, Aslan let loose an ear-shattering Roar that even shook the very surface of the water. It seemed to strip away every single bit of evil in the air and left a ringing silence in its place. The Telmarines had no time to recover before The River rushed forwards at Aslan's command, sweeping up over the bridge and catching soldiers in its torrents before pulling them down under to their watery graves with a silenced cry.  
And then The River god came.  
A magnificent creation, completely water and yet completely solid, he rose up. Spotting Aslan on the other shore, he bowed low to The Lion before lifting the bridge from its foundation.

The wood cracked, the soldiers cried, and all of them either jumped or fell off the bridge as it rose higher and higher.

All except Sopespian.  
He stared the god in the face, sitting astride his horse, and accepted death as it was given.  
The River god tipped the bridge forwards, seeming to swallow it all up as he fell with a magnificent crash to the water, Sopespian's cry forever silenced as the huge wave swept over.

And a great cheer rose up from the tiny crowd of Narnians on our end of the shore, our tired company lifting its voice in celebration and thanksgiving as Narnia was returned to herself. I would have joined in, but I couldn't seem to find the strength to talk above a whisper, let alone scream. Instead, I merely smiled in a dazed-like fashion, His Roar still ringing in my ears like music.

A shout of joy behind me, and I turned around only to become nearly smothered by my sister, my face buried in her brown sea of long hair that carried the faint scent of roses. I hugged her tightly back, closing my eyes and letting everything wash over me as she sobbed into my shoulder. I caught the words "Saw you dead - riding with Caspian - back from the forest - oh, _Edmund..._" as she choked each fragment of the sentence out, and I merely held her a little tighter in reply.

Tears subsided as we stayed like this for awhile, nothing but the sound of birds chirruping, water rushing, armor clanking, and Susan's soft tears making any sense to me.

"Glad you're back...so glad you're back..." She sniffed, trying to pull herself together. "Never do that to me again, Ed. Understand?" She leaned back and smiled wanly, and I merely nodded mutely, unable to find words to express anything at the moment. She tugged me into another embrace, so warm against me, so alive...

She stiffened suddenly, and I turned around to see what she was seeing.

The Narnians had found a shallow place in the River where the course was altered when the bridge was removed. They struggled across it, the water running only up to their thighs or so as they waded across it. She reached for my hand, grasping it tightly and pulling me alongside her, following Peter and Caspian across it.

I couldn't feel anything but a happy sort of numbness throughout the entire thing. Everything was alright. Everything was going to be alright.

Nothing I had ever experienced in my lifetime could ever take away or replace this moment, this dazed and blissful act of just _being._

We reached Aslan, and I could hardly keep myself from rushing at my sister, but I did. First things came first.

We all bowed low to The Lion, dropping to one knee and feeling so awed by His never-ending Love and Compassion. The Creator of all things good, the Lover, the all-powerful, the One who threw Narnia into existence, the One who called us to His world in the first place, The Lion, The King, _my_ King, my Savior. His golden eyes passed over us all, and I felt crushed beneath his absolute pleasure in us. Peter didn't look any better.  
"Rise, Kings and Queens of Narnia." He said softly, his rich golden mane flowing beneath the light breeze. We obeyed.  
All of us...except for Caspian. I nudged him slightly.

"All of you." Aslan said, slightly amused. Caspian didn't dare look up.

"I do not think I am ready..." He said anxiously, avoiding His gaze. Aslan chuckled.  
"It is for this very reason that I know you are, My son." He informed him softly with a smile. "Now rise, King Caspian."

And Caspian rose, looking very relieved. I smiled slightly at him before I turned and watched many hesitant and terrified Narnians began walking up slowly towards The Lion, intent on at least _seeing_ Him. They all looked like they were walking to their execution, and yet as though Christmas had come early.

Aslan merely smiled and breathed upon them all, and then unmistakable joy and wonder replaced the terror, and they all rushed up to greet Him and kiss His paws and His nose and touch His soft mane and smell Him, all of them crowding around and making noises of absolute love and adoration. I almost wanted to join them before a small force in the form of Lucy collided with my side with a shriek. I let out an exclamation of surprise before she tightened her small arms around my middle, burying her face in my tunic and not planning on letting go any time soon. Susan stepped over and joined the moment, much to my dismay, as I had no strength left to refuse them, it seemed.  
Then Peter joined, too, and I felt overwhelmed by the rush of compassion and love I felt towards my family and they felt towards me. It was both comforting and terrifying, to say the least.

And I remembered something Aslan had told me so very long ago.

_"Love is both a blessing and a burden, Edmund Pevensie. Bear it well."  
_I had never felt as glad as I did now to feel so many arms holding me tight.

---

I had never felt as helpless as I did then.

Letting the cover of the darkness around us fuel my equally dark emotions, I winced as a wheezy cough echoed loudly around against the stone walls of the How.

"You idiot," I whispered harshly, but I couldn't stay very mad at him even if I tried. "Why won't you just bloody take some of the cordial and stop making me suffer with you?"  
Though however dark it was, I could see his eyes flash and his teeth nearly glitter as he grinned tiredly. I swore I saw fangs.

"I've told you this already. I'm not about to--" he coughed again, violent shocks shooting through his lean frame as he suffered under the virus. "--to waste that precious cordial on myself when there are so many others wounded."  
"Waste?" I gasped out, feeling the bottom of my stomach nearly drop out completely with surprise. "Waste! If there's anyone who deserves that stuff, its _you, _Edmund Randall."

He made a slight, sarcastic noise and was silent for a few moments.

"I've had my fair share of that stuff, Peter, and it's not a pleasant taste. At first, anyway."

"Why does that matter?" I shot back, not about to lose this war.

"Because...well, it just does." He said, nodding his head firmly. I moaned.

"You're an _idiot_..."  
"Mm," he agreed, positioning himself closer to me in the dark. "But I'm _your _idiot, as you're mine, so you've just got to deal with it."

I groaned with both annoyance and fondness.

"Why won't you just stop your protesting and take the stuff? Lucy has plenty."

"Untrue," He rasped back. "She needs all she can get for the others who are wounded. And I won't take any because, one, I refuse. Two, it's a chest cold, Peter, I'll get over it. Three, I am a king of Narnia, as you are, and I will not stop serving my country in any and every way I can, even if she doesn't even remember me. That includes refusing magical healing juice. So that ends that."

I tried so hard to think of a response. I had none. I shook my head and felt like I would very much like to bash his head against the wall, and then ask him to take the cordial.

"No, Peter, don't even think it." He mused, settling more comfortably against me and closing his eyes against the dim lighting in the room. I shoved him in reply.

The sun was going down, and the torches were running short. But the battle had been won, and all were jubilant. Most were outside of the How, dancing and feasting and laughing and chatting, all of them trading stories they had heard as younglings about the Golden Age and before, whether they be true or not, they were entertaining to hear. Those who were unable to join the festivities, such as those who were too tired or wounded, were inside the How where Lucy was administering to them all. A Faun with a broken leg had begged her for a story from our reign, and seeing as none of them would be still until she did, she had told them one with a smile. They had all listened with bright eyes and attentive ears, utterly immersed in her words.

"Why don't you go on out, Peter? I'll be fine..." Edmund asked, voice slurred with drowsiness. "Go have fun..."

Amused, I merely shifted him closer to me as sleep began to pull at us both.

"I'm not leaving you alone. You might hurt yourself."

He made a noise of disbelief, accompanied by some sarcastic muttering as he found the blankets Susan had left and threw one at me.

"Well, shut up and sleep."

With a chuckle, I merely lay down and did as I was told.

Only when I could hear his soft breathing five minutes later did I follow his example and sleep.

We had so much to catch up on, but that could wait, as there was plenty of time.

---

Standing out on an outcropping of the How, I watched the sky intently. It was still dark out, but the first signs of dawn were beginning to split the sky. I smiled slightly.

Lucy had caught me on my way out, staggering beneath the cold though I was, and had demanded to know what I was doing. My voice had completely disappeared, and she had merely shaken her head and forced me to take a drop of the cordial. Reluctantly, I had, and now I stood outside in the chill air of the morning, letting the gentle breeze whip my hair. She had wanted to come with me, but she could sense that I also needed to be alone, however much she wanted otherwise. She was so sweet, all the time. I was still in constant wonder how she was able to do it all. No matter, I supposed, gazing out as the first rays of sunshine began to peek over the treetops. It was just part of who she was.

But who was I? I had asked myself this question countless times before, but instead of the answers that usually put the question away, new ones slid in their place.

I was a person who had, and still made, bad choices. I had been a liar, a traitor, a person of the worst kind. I was a person who had been so wonderfully convicted, and so heart wrenchingly forgiven. I was a person who strove daily to be worthy of such forgiveness, and always so abashed when I fell short or fell. I was a person who had given over to Jadis again, and had been forgiven for a second time by the same, wonderful Lion. I was a person who could not find the strength or the will to let it all go.

I wanted to. Oh, how I wanted to.

It was just...impossible.

It almost seemed as though even Aslan couldn't make it all go away. My faults were far too many to erase, too many to ignore...

I ran my fingers through my hair, despairing slightly. I just wanted to let go and take a jump. Anything that would cure this disease that refused to let me alone.

It was like a sickness that kept on getting worse, or a pain that only escalated as time went on. I only wanted to be rid of it and just be released.

A bird chirruped nearby, flapping its wings as it greeted the morning. I sucked in my breath sharply, closing my eyes. The world was so peaceful, so quiet...I only wished that I could feel a part of it.

Jadis, in all of her twisted beauty, slaying Aslan in my place with her twisted, evil knife. The absolute, gripping cold that I had felt in her dungeons. The feel of her frigid lips pressed to mine in a stifling kiss, stripping away every last fragment of innocence I had ever possessed and leaving me almost nothing...

"Aslan," I whispered, begging for the millions of crazed emotions to just disappear. "Make it stop..."

"_I _cannot if _you_will not, dear one," A quiet, rich Voice said from behind me, and I leapt around, startled, only to come face-to-face with The Lion. He looked painfully sympathetic, but sympathy wasn't making anything go away.

"I _want_ to," I said, gesturing helplessly as the weight of His gentle stare crushed me. "But I just...can't..."

"But you _can,_ child." He insisted quietly, walking up so that He could stand beside me and watch the sun continue its slow ascent in the pale colors of the morning sky. "And I have shown you this before."

I looked over at him questioningly, not bothering to hide the misery that so tore me apart inside.

"...What, Aslan? What is it?"

"The love of your family, your love, My Love. Love," He said slowly, and I only continued to stare. He smiled slightly, not looking at me, but at the pale-ish hue of the sky ahead. "Love is the answer, Edmund."

"...I don't see--" I began, but he cut me off abruptly.

"Do you love Me, child?" He asked quietly, and I was completely startled.

"...I do, Aslan," I replied, stealing a questioning glance over at Him. He smiled a bit more.

"Do you love Me, dear one?" He whispered, and I searched His face for any sign of what this was. Was this a test of some sort? I was genuinely afraid of failing it, whatever it was. But all the same...  
"Yes, Aslan," I said again, a bit louder and more confidently than before.

"_Do you love Me, Edmund_?" He roared out at the sky, and I had to clap my hands over my ears to block the worst of it out as the sky shook and thousands of birds fled from their nests in the trees, chorusing together their immense displeasure as they took off into the morning air.

"I love you, Aslan," I whispered, and He finally turned to look at me with His glimmering golden eyes that so shone with compassion and Love deeper than I could get my mind around.

"Then release this evil you hold inside - all these bad memories, the hurt and the guilt, and never dwell on it again. I have both forgiven and cast these away into the deepest ocean floor, to where they cannot ever find you again. Breathe easy, and know that I Love you so much more than you will ever understand."

And I closed my eyes.

I was a person who loved and was loved. I was a person who could forgive as I was forgiven. I was a person who could sacrifice as I was sacrificed for. Why hadn't I seen this before? I had been so blind, so woefully, inexplicably blind to all the wondrous things I had so missed, all the things I couldn't understand how I had been presented with them but not ever realized what I was seeing. Lucy, always so vibrant, so pretty, so caring, even in the worst of times. Susan, so steadfast, so calm, so beautiful in her readiness. Peter, so protective, so concerned, so magnificent, even though he had lost himself along the way. Aslan...I could not even comprehend this. It was almost too much for me, but even in its wonderful complexity, it was truly amazing.

So I took a deep breath.

And I let go.

Opening my eyes again, I felt lighter than I had in years. No more pain, no more worry...I wouldn't ever forget, no, but I wasn't going to be brought down by it.

And I looked at The Lion, who merely smiled at me and nodded in pleasure. I looked to the sun just as it burst up over the treetops in a flood of golden light, kissing everything in its path with a glowing, vibrant stream. Indigo morning glories sprung open as they were caressed with the warm light, trees swayed and rocked gently as they caught the whispering of the gentle wind, the entire world illuminated in glorious and wonderful sunshine.

I smiled.

And the Light came on.

--fin--

---

_"The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light." - Romans 13:12._


End file.
